


The Black Feather

by ArtausRayne



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst with a Happy Ending, Band Fic, Drugs, F/M, Gen, Punk, Sex, Sorry Not Sorry, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-11-09 11:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20853053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtausRayne/pseuds/ArtausRayne
Summary: In this universe, drow Kiran, tiefling Saturn, doctor Elias, and paladin Dorian come together as humans in a modern day Band AU. This short story goes through the rollercoaster of their lives behind the scenes of the band itself, through tragic events and the resolution that comes after.Songs used: The Broken- Stars In StereoEmber Soul- Silence The WolvesStay the Night- BlockheadsWhispers in my Head- Onlap





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I have started that I've actually finished and I'm proud of myself-
> 
> Enjoy!  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_ “There’s a million reasons lives get shaken-” _

Voices clashed together, bodies tightly packed in the tight space.

_ “Each one hurts the same-” _

The repetitive sound of a hundred feet stomping the floorboards echoed the rhythm of the music. 

_ “It’s getting hard to tell what’s breaking-” _

Sweat dripped down faces, hands raised in the air. The lyrics were spoken by each body in the room.

_ “The picture or the frame.” _

The last song just started, but it was the crowd’s favorite. Fingers clenched the mic stand as Kiran’s eyes moved over the silhouettes watching her. She picked up the whole stand and took it with her as she moved and sang across the stage, to Saturn on bass, to Elias on guitar, and making her way back to Dorian on the drums, turning her back to the audience as she built up to the chorus. When it hit, she jumped back around, and the whole crowd jumped too.

“_ I am the strange, the disarranged- _

_ I am possessed, the second guessed- _

_ I’m indecent, I am treatment- _

_ The secrets have spoken-” _

She held her breath as she let the crowd sing the last line; “_We are the broken!” _

  


When the gig came to a close, the band found themselves packing up in the back. Dorian packing up his gear, Saturn holding a cymbal with a sly grin on her face, Elias already popping a top off a beer, and Kiran lighting a cigarette.

Kiran was flustered. The band was popular, everyone knew it. They were always sold out at gigs, the places were always packed, but yet, they couldn’t get _ more_. She wanted a bigger audience, a bigger stage, and bigger pay. They deserved bigger. 

“Hey,” the bassist stepped over to where Kiran sat on the steps. She ran her fingers through her hair, catching the loose strands that came out of her braid.

“I know what you’re thinking, it’s cool. One day, yeah?” Saturn said, resting her elbow on Kiran’s shoulder. “One day. You saw how many people showed! I think it will be for real this time. Just gotta have faith.”

Kiran huffed, “Yeah, sure, whatever,” she said, flicking the ash from her cigarette. “I have faith. In us. Not in management or better gigs,” she finished bitterly. “But,” she stood and stepped up to the back door. “I guess like you said. One day.” 

Saturn smacked the singer’s ass playfully, giving her an encouraging whistle before moving back over to where _ her _ drummer was.

Kiran moved behind the curtains, searching for their manager. A hand reached from behind and grabbed her arm, and she whipped around, almost giving Elias a cigarette to the face.

“Dude, you have to stop,” She hissed, yanking her arm away before spinning around and continuing on her search.

Elias smirked and took a swig of his beer, one hand returning to his pocket as he followed along.

“Hey!” A voice called out, coming from the tech across the way. Suri walked towards them, holding a couple water bottles. She held them out to both Kiran and Elias, but upon seeing the beer in his hand, handed them both to Kiran. “You guys were amazing, as always,” She said with a smile. “Also, you have guests,” and cracked the curtain open to show the long line of people waiting to see the crew after the show.

Kiran groaned.

“I don’t want to,” She grumbled, and Elias gave her shoulder a reassuring rub. “But I guess I _ did _ allow Travlok to do this,” she finished, glancing over at the manager giving her a mischievous grin. “Maybe more will come from this.”

“Always more, always more, more, more,” Elias mocked her, downing a couple more gulps. “Why are you never content? You’re the hardest woman to satisfy.”

“Woah,” Saturn chimed in, stepping up behind the three. “Keep it in your pants,” she said, glancing between Elias and Kiran. 

“Trust me, nothing is coming out of his pants,” Kiran rolled her eyes. She pushed past them and went around the back of the stage towards their… _ guests. _

_ Look at all the people wanting to see you!_

Kiran’s sister's voice chimed in Kiran’s ears, and she narrowed her eyes. “Go away, I told you not to bother me at work,” she growled.

_ It’s like you don’t care about me anymore._

“It’s like you can’t move on.”

Kiran peered through the curtains, the line continuing to grow. She let out a heavy sigh and waited for the others to join her before going out to the “meet and greet” people.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

After everything was said and done, Saturn followed behind Dorian out the back doors. 

“Everything packed?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Dorian replied.

“Dinner?” She asked, looking up at the drummer with a grin.

Dorian looked down at her. “Yeah,” he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Dinner. What kind?” He said, clicking the car key to unlock. He opened the door for Saturn, who slid in quickly and shut it, pausing to look and see if anyone was going to come through the backstage door before getting into the driver’s side of the car.

“I was thinking Chinese food,” Dorian said once the car was started.

“Oooookay!” Saturn chimed out, stretching her arms over her head for a big stretch.

  


The car started, and the two headed out of the complex towards their destination. 

"How did we do?” Dorian asked suddenly as he stopped at a light.  


“I think we were awesome,” Saturn replied, resting her elbow on the passenger side door.

"You always think we are awesome, but how did we really do?” 

Saturn rolled her eyes. “Don’t ask me if you don’t like my answer, I _ said _ we were _ awesome _.” She huffed.

Dorian glanced over to the bassist. She still had on those stage horns she wore. She started wearing those two years ago, and it really caught the attention of a lot of fans. Perhaps, he thought, that the way they dressed brought a lot of people in. Dorian didn’t know a lot about fashion, but it seemed to make an impact on their fans. Most of the girls that showed up to their shows either looked like Kiran or Saturn, it was sort of amusing. 

“You’re quite the devil, you know,” Dorian said with a smirk.

“Yeah… I know.” Saturn replied with a smug look on her face.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Kiran stepped down the back steps to the venue, lighting her third cigarette of the night. She stopped at the end, taking in a big breath and exhaling deeply. 

“Are you nervous or something?” Elias said, shutting the back door. 

“No.” Kiran replied curtly.

It didn’t take long for what Kiran had been waiting for to appear. A slick black Camaro pulled around the corner and stopped in front of where Kiran and Elias were standing. The window rolled down, showing a dark haired guy inside.

“C’mon babe,” He called out, gesturing to her like a pet. 

“I’m not your babe,” Kiran replied, not moving a muscle. She breathed in again and exhaled deeply, letting the cloud of smoke drift off with the breeze.

The guy dropped his hand, looking flustered. “I said let’s go.”

Kiran dropped her cigarette and put it out with her foot before moving forward. She was stopped when Elias grabbed her arm. 

“What are you doing?” He asked, grabbing Kiran's arm. 

“Getting a ride,” Kiran responded quietly. “He offered earlier.”

“Nope, I don’t think so,” Elias replied, pulling Kiran back.

“Don’t think you can tell me what to do,” Kiran growled, yanking her arm away. 

The driver side door opened, and the guy stepped out. He ran his fingers through his black hair as he walked over to Kiran, stopping right in front of her. “Is there a problem?” He said, looking her up and down. 

“No, no problem,” Kiran said, following his gaze with her own. “Quit looking at me like that, Morion,” She said.

The guy frowned. He looked at Kiran, and she froze instantly. “You don’t want to be admired?” He said, and Kiran relaxed again.

“She doesn’t need you to take her home, I’m going to. Sorry you drove all this way,” Elias said, stepping up beside Kiran. 

“Kiran you’re gonna let this guy decide what you’re gonna do?” Morian said, stepping right up until he was just inches away from her. “C’mon, baby,” he cooed, taking his finger and wrapping a long strand of her hair behind her ear. “Let’s go.”

She was the hair wrapped around his finger. He always drew her in. Her eyes had closed, feeling his fingertips guide along her ear, his thumb down her cheek. “Elias, it’s alright,” she said, fluttering her eyes open and looking at him. She gave him a pleading look, a look Elias knew well. The look that said, “don’t forget to rescue me”, and he would. 

He always did.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You dropped your noodle,” Saturn giggled, spinning her lo mein around and forking it into her mouth. “This is the third time you have dropped your noodle. Something is wrong with you.”

“It’s the fork,” Dorian said, holding it in front of his face and twisting it around in his hand. “It’s off or something, you see this dent?” He held the fork out to Saturn, who just gave him an “uh-huh” in response.

They had decided to do dinner and a movie, with a bit of practice afterwards. _ Rocky Horror Picture Show _ was the film they chose, and they were watching it on the small TV in Dorian’s apartment, surrounded by many chinese food boxes. It was almost time for it to end, even though Saturn didn’t want it to. She enjoyed the movie almost as much as she enjoyed spending her time with her drummer boy.

They knew each other for a long time. In fact, the whole band did. But with Dorian, it went way back. They had been friends longer than Saturn could probably ever remember. Back to before elementary school. They hadn’t always been this close, though. Acquaintances, friends, maybe. But now they were _ inseparable. _Once Dorian started coming around to watch her back, her whole life took a turn around. And a big one too.

Dorian twirled the noodles around the fork, glancing at Saturn every now and then. He would give a half smile, and she would smile back. Sitting like this with her was nice, though it would bring up some old memories he would try to forget. The last time they were having a chinese food craze was the night he brought her home from a party-gone-bad. She had been drunk, and high, snorting coke half the night, doing shots, taking pills, whatever they were doing, she had been doing. She was always crazy like that, doing whatever she wanted, when she wanted, and she had a blast doing it too. It hurt him to see her like that. Slowly, though. Slowly, he had her coming down from that need for the everlasting high. He never wanted to see her half dead in the tub again. 

Once again, his noodle fell off of his fork.

“Dude! Get a different fork,” Saturn cried out, bursting into a fit of laughter. 

Dorian chuckled too, just because her laugh was so contagious. “Okay, I’m done,” he said, and put the fork down all together. “I’ll be back,” he said, getting up and heading into the kitchen. 

He went for a fork, taking the dented one and tossing it into the sink. As he reached for the drawer, something caught his eye. He looked over, seeing Saturn’s purse on the counter. The moonlight had come through the curtains just right, lighting up just enough of her bag to reveal a balled up plastic bag that was hastily shoved in there. He glanced into the room where Saturn was, and seeing that she wasn’t paying attention, leaned over and pulled the bag from her purse. A wave of anger and disappointment flashed across his face when he realized it was her favorite drug. 

Cocaine.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why, why,” Elias said to himself, hitting the steering wheel. He glanced at the clock. It was three in the morning. He hadn’t slept at all, his mind going through all the things Kiran was doing. Why did she always go back to that prick? He destroyed her, every time. But here he was, coming to save her. He hated it, but he would _ always _ come to her rescue. He had been sitting across the street for a half hour, waiting. He would always have to come after midnight, and the later the better. She would never tell him when to come, but he always knew. He’d done it so much. 

He glanced up, seeing the back door open. Kiran walked across the yard and to the car and paused before opening it. Elias turned to face forward, and only then did Kiran open the door. 

Kiran inhaled, but before she could even get a word out Elias said, “I won’t.” 

She was going to tell him not to look at her. And he knew exactly why. He clenched the steering wheel, wondering how badly he had beaten her tonight. Her face? Most likely. The way she had walked said maybe a rib? Her leg? He thought it over, his knuckles turning white.

Kiran reached for a cigarette, her hands trembling. 

“Don’t smoke,” Elias said, focusing his gaze forward. He put the car into drive and headed out, deciding to take the long way home. “I know you’ve been doing a bunch of shit, don’t make it worse with that cigarette.”

Kiran growled and let the box drop back into her bag. She held onto her bag tightly, and even out of the corner of his eye he could see how badly she was shaking.

“You’re okay,” Elias said quietly, slowly reaching one arm over and resting his hand on top of hers. “I’ll always be here for you.”

It took half the drive, but Kiran finally started crying. “Pull over,” she said after she let out most of her tears, and Elias did as he was told, pulling over and into a grassy area. When the car stopped, Kiran got out and took her cigarettes with her, slamming the door shut.

Elias sat there and waited, looking over Kiran’s body as she stepped into the headlights. She looked like she had been in a fight, which he was sure Morion looked worse. She wasn’t going to take a hit without giving one back. Maybe if he wasn’t doing so many drugs, he wouldn’t be so aggressive. Probably that testosterone he likes to shoot in his ass. 

Beyond the hits, though, he admired Kiran. She sat on the hood of his car and smoked, and he didn’t mind anymore. Her silhouette there was perfect. Maybe one day he would tell her how he felt about her. 

Maybe today would be that day.

He waited a while, giving her time to relax and calm down. He looked at the clock. It was a little past four in the morning. He was certain she had smoked her whole pack. He pushed the door open and shut it softly, stepping over to where she was now standing in front of the car and looking out into the open field in front of them. He let out a deep breath and came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close.

She didn’t protest, but let her body fall against his, which was a huge surprise to Elias.

“I know you aren’t okay, but you will be,” Elias said softly, hugging Kiran gently. He stepped around and stopped in front of her, getting to see the hits, her swollen eye, the dried blood, the runny mascara down her face. He used his thumbs and lightly rubbed them across her cheeks to wipe them clean. 

“Why don’t I ever listen,” She whispered, her bottom lip trembling.

“Because you don’t like to be told what to do,” Elias whispered back, pulling her close to him and letting her rest her head on his chest. “You need to let him go, and,” he paused a moment, the words getting caught in his throat, “let me take care of you. I want to.”

Kiran lifted her head and looked at him, “You already take care of me, stupid,” She said, and raised on her toes to bring her lips to his. 

She kissed him so deeply that it caught him off guard. Her arms wrapped tight around him and she pressed her body against his.

He loved it, but he had to pull away. “I don’t want to be your rebound, Kiran,” He said, taking a step back. He relaxed his arms, but kept his hands on her. “I don’t want to be used like this.”

“I’m not using you,” Kiran snapped, looking towards the car. 

“Then tell me you won’t go back to him.”

Elias waited through the silence. It was long enough that when she said, “I won’t,” he knew it wasn’t true. 

“I don’t want to go home, Elias. I want to feel loved. Can you do that for me?” Kiran said, running her hands up under his shirt. 

He knew she was on something and he didn’t want to take advantage of her, but he wanted to do anything she asked.

“Kiran, you aren’t okay right now, I don’t want to-”

“Elias,” Kiran said again, stepping closer and gripping onto his shirt. “Please. I’m begging you, please make me feel like a goddamn queen,” she spoke strongly, and he could hear the trembling even in her voice. 

He looked down into her eyes, and without another word, picked her up and laid her against the hood of his car with his lips against hers.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I thought you were trying to quit,” Dorian said sternly, standing in the doorway to the living room. “I thought you said you’d tell me when you got urges.”

Saturn froze up, anger bubbling in her veins. “Did you go through my bag?” She said, looking up at Dorian with narrowed eyes.

“I didn’t have to! It was right there on top. Freshly used, I’m guessing,” Dorian snapped, walking up and tossing his fork on the table. “I can’t believe you.”

Saturn’s face grew hot and she pushed herself up off of the couch. “You…” She tried to find words to say, but was flustered. “Maybe if you had been there for me when I needed you, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place!” she blurted out, grabbing what was left of her food and storming into the kitchen.

Those words stung Dorian. “I _ was _there for you,” he replied. “Or do you not remember those times I saved your life multiple times. The nights I stayed up all night with you to keep you from overdosing. Always picking you up from your parties, emergency room visits, counseling visits. When I was by your side through your withdrawals. Or does none of that mean anything to you?” Dorian said, closing the to-go box on his food. “I care about you, but I can’t fucking help you if you don’t do something to help yourself.”

Saturn tossed her dishes in the sink. “I don’t need help, Dorian.” She was pissed, snatching her purse off the counter. “I’m getting the fuck out of here.” 

She headed towards the door, but Dorian had jumped off the couch and ran to get in front of it. 

“No you aren’t,” Dorian said, reaching into the still open bag and snatching the cocaine out of it. “You aren’t leaving, because when you do, you’re going to do a bunch of stupid shit to try and get over it. I _ know _you.’

Saturn curled her hands into fists and hit Dorian on his chest. “Move out of the fucking way, dude! You have my shit now let me go,” She said, trying, and failing, to move Dorian’s body out of the way. He didn’t budge. 

“Nope, you’re going to turn around and go to bed. I’m not fighting you. And now I don’t trust you.”

Tears started to well in Saturn’s eyes. “Why are you doing this,” She said, letting her arms drop. “Why can’t you just let me go?”

Dorian wrapped his arms around Saturn and pulled her close. “Because I don’t want to see you dying in the tub again. It’s been to many times. I don’t trust you, but I still care about you. So do both of us a favor and leave your bag here. Turn around and go lay down. It's too late.”

Saturn let her body relax in his arms before he let go, and she stood up straight. She was still angry, but he was the only one taking care of her. She had the urge, bad. She wanted that high. But she would give into his wishes this time, even if she knew she would do it again once she was out of sight. She tossed her bag on the floor and turned around, going to the bedroom just as he asked. She stripped down, shoes and socks off, pants off, shirt off, bra off, leaving her in nothing but her underwear. She glanced over her shoulder and looked at Dorian.

There were two ways Saturn solved her problems. Drugs, and sex. She always looked for an escape. If Dorian wouldn’t give her one, maybe he’d give her the other.

She went over to the bed and got in under the covers, pouting to Dorian. “Are you coming to bed too?” She called to him, gesturing for him to join her.  


“I’m not,” Dorian called, taking her cocaine and going into the kitchen with it. 

“H-hey, what are you doing?” Saturn said in a panicked voice. She quickly got out of bed and made her way to the kitchen just in time to see Dorian tying up the trash. 

“No more,” Dorian said, tightening the ties into a knot. “Say goodbye. And put a shirt on. I’m not going to sleep with you if it’s an escape. If you decide you _ actually _ want to sleep with me because you want to, then _ maybe. _

Saturn clenched her hands into a fist, digging her nails into her palms. “Do you have any idea how much that cost?!” She spat.

“I’m sure I could think of something but I’m not going to because it doesn’t matter anymore. So, go to the bedroom, put a shirt on, and go to bed.” He headed towards the door.

He knew Saturn would try to go through the trash. They had a dumpster at the complex, but it wasn’t enough to keep Saturn away, so he had his own trash can he would use to take the garbage down. This one was special, because he drilled a hole in it and had a special lock he would put on it. “You’re not getting this anymore,” he said, tossing the lock up and down in his hand.

Saturn spun around and angrily went into the bedroom, slamming the door shut.

She didn’t need it anyway. She was fine, she told herself. She could do it all on her own without Dorian’s help. She grabbed one of his shirts from the closet and jumped into bed, throwing the covers over herself and staring out the window. 

She was stronger than he thought, and she would show him just how powerful she really was.


	2. 2

Travlok woke up that morning with a headache. Naturally, he had drank too much last night. It was common, though. He just took some Advil and moved on with his day. Eggs and sausage always started his morning, sometimes a waffle. Today though, he spiced it up; he made hash browns too. He glanced at his calendar in the kitchen. A day from now was a gig he fought hard for his band to get; The Colosseum. They weren’t the opening band, but third isn’t too bad at that place.

When he’d asked the members, surprisingly no one had been there before. Out of all the venues in the area, he had to think this one was the biggest. So, as a surprise, he didn’t tell them anything about the place. He knew Kiran would love it, since she’s always complaining about the venues being too small. He knew she wanted more for them, and this time, she was going to get it.

Their social media was psyched. “The Black Feather, playing at The Colosseum?! Wow!” everyone said, and when he’d made an event page, he was utterly shocked to see how many people were ‘attending’. He knew the group was talented, but none of them expected to be this popular. Maybe 30 people a gig. There were going to be at least 100 that knew about them. Who knew how many people were going to listen to them that were already there.

First thing Travlok did after breakfast was ring Kiran’s phone. It rang, and rang again, and again. He glanced at the clock- 11 a.m. She should be awake. Finally the phone clicked, and a male voice answered.

“Hey, she’s asleep,” Elias’ voice said on the other line. “She didn’t have a good night last night.”

Travlok raised an eyebrow. “Oooookay, well I need everyone at The Garage at…” he paused and looked at the clock again. He was going to say an hour, but if he knew Kiran, she’d need more time than that. “...1:30. Be there or be out of the band,” Travlok ended, same as always. He hung up, rubbing the back of his head as he still thought of why Elias answered Kiran’s phone. Odd.

He didn’t bother trying to reach out to the others, he knew Elias would handle it. Instead, he poured himself the last of the coffee in the pot and called Suri.

  
“Boss,” She picked up the phone on the second ring. “What’s up?”

“1:30, The Garage,” He said, slurping from his mug.

“I spoke with Joseph from The Colosseum about the lighting for the performance, I’m a little nervous about not doing a trial run with the band,” Suri said, though her voice didn’t waver a bit.

“Dip at 4 and head that way, see if they will let you run the lights then,” Travlok replied, swirling the coffee with a spoon.

There was a mew from under the table, and Travlok glanced down at the slate gray cat winding around his legs.

“Ah, Anvil, nice to see you,” he said with a chuckle, leaning down and stroking the cat’s head. “I suppose you want some of this,” he said as he put the plate with the leftover crumbs on the floor.

“Tell Anvil I say hi,” Suri said through the phone.

“I will,” Travlok said. He paused. “He said hi.”

“You didn’t even say it, I would have heard the response,” Suri muttered. “I’ll be there at 1:30. See you,” she said, and the call ended.

Travlok rose from his seat, took the now completely clean plate to the sink, and went to his basement to get a work-out before heading to see his ‘kids’.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elias set the phone down on the floorboard and rested an arm behind his head. He didn’t get much sleep, but it didn’t matter to him. He had Kiran laying on his bare chest in the back of his ‘69 Mustang, naked. He ran his fingers through her messy hair. She seemed so... vulnerable. She never came off this way, ever. She always had to be strong and fierce. He liked seeing her this way. He wished he didn’t have to see her this way under these circumstances. Most of the night she had nightmares.

His fingers traced around the marks and bruises forming on her face. She looked much worse than last night, about a little more than he expected. Half of her face was swollen up. She needed ice on it and some ibuprofen, or something. He wasn’t a doctor, but he did his best. His fingers ran down her arms, touching the scratches, the bruises, the needle marks. He rested his hand on top of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

She stirred a little, letting out a small groan. He could tell she was waking up because she started to tremble again.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Elias said softly, running his hand through her hair again. “It’s me, I’m here.”

Kiran opened her eyes. She saw the back of the driver’s side seat in front of her, and felt her head rise and fall with Elias’ breathing. She was shaking, but she couldn’t help it. As she woke, the pain came rushing in once again. She went to get up,but Elias held her down.

“Don’t,” he said, grabbing the phone and looking at the time. “Just rest a little longer. We don’t have to be at practice until 1:30.”

Kiran blinked, glancing out the window as she saw figures walking and pressing on the glass, looking at her, trying to talk to her. One of them was her sister, shooing the others away from the car. No matter how hard she tried to get them to go away, they were always there. The spirits, ghosts, hallucinations, whatever they were.   
  
“I need to get up,” She said, pushing herself up and groaning in pain.

“Don’t,” Elias said again, holding her. “You’re okay.”

“I’m crushing you. I need a shirt. I need to get dressed”

“Really?” Elias said, his heart squeezing in his chest. He knew it would just be a rebellious act.

“Elias I’m naked, and people are watching me,” Kiran said, feeling around on the floor for her underwear.

Elias was silent for a few moments. “Did I do it?” He asked.

“Do what?” Kiran said, pulling her shirt on and tossing her bra into the front seat.

“Did I make you feel like you were loved?” He asked again, looking at her.

Kiran was silent. She looked out the window where Kiara was leaning against the car, almost like a guard. “Yes, you did.”

“It wasn’t fake, you know,” Elias said, reaching out and touching Kiran’s shoulder. “It was very real.”

Kiran managed a half smile. “I’m sure. But it shouldn’t be. You know how I am. I’ll just hurt you. So get over me.” She crawled to the front of the car and grabbed her pants, fighting through the pain and the awkward angles as she pulled them on.

“What if I can’t?” Elias said, feeling around on the floor to find his clothes without taking his eyes off of Kiran. “You don’t have to be this way, you know. Just let go and accept that someone cares.”

“I can’t. It’s just how I am.”

Elias fell silent.  
  
“Don’t make one night mean forever, Elias. That’s how you’ll always get hurt,” Kiran continued, “I always did. I was an idiot.”

Elias pulled his shirt on as Kiran got out of the car. “You don’t have to be this way, Krian,” he said again, watching as she dug around in her bag.

She went around to the back and hit the trunk with her fist twice, the emergency signal. Elias moved up into the driver’s seat, where he also left his pants, and pulled the trunk release.

Kiran opened the back, pulling a shirt off of a carton of cigarettes and grabbed two packs, tossing one into her bag and patting the other against her palm. When Elias came out of the car, he really saw the damage Morion had done the night before.

“I can still perform,” Kiran read his mind, putting a cigarette between her lips. She dug around her bag again.

“I don’t know,” Elias replied, reaching in his back pocket and pulling out a lighter. He reached forward and lit Kiran’s cancer stick for her.

“Hey… You still have that?” Kiran asked, genuinely surprised. “It’s been years since I gave that to you. When what that? Freshman year?”

Elias gave her a half smile. “Maybe so. Yeah, it’s always in my pocket for when you need it.”

Kiran met his eyes. Maybe she was an idiot, after all.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Saturn woke up that morning, she found herself in an empty room. She figured at some point in the night Dorian would have come to bed, but I guess not. She slid out of bed, her head throbbing. When she looked at her hands, they were trembling. Shit, she thought, looking through the doorway. She heard the sound of the TV and the clash and clangs of Dorian’s video game.

  
“Wow, slacker,” She said, but then the aroma of bacon smacked her in the face. “Okay… Half slacker.”

  
She made her way to the hallway, looking left into the living room where the knuckle head was sitting on the couch. She leaned against the wall, watching him for a moment before turning right into the kitchen and getting herself a glass of water. She looked at the breakfast still cooking, then at the kitchen clock. Really? Ten? Saturn thought to herself, rolling her eyes. She had hoped it was later than that. She had prayed last night to sleep in late. I guess there are no God or Gods after all.

“Hey,” Dorian called from behind her, making her jump and causing her heart to fly out her chest.

“Don’t-” she spun around, “-scare me like that, asshole,” she said, looking down at her, well, Dorian’s shirt, and at the nice new mark where she had spilled half her water on herself. “Thank you for this, really,” she said, narrowing her eyes.

“I just wanted to apologize,” Dorian said, ignoring the fact that he had caused her to spill water on herself.

“For what?” Saturn said flatly.

“For always treating you like a child.”

She rolled her eyes and huffed, though she knew she needed to be treated like that. For too long, she had acted like a child. She still does. And he takes on the parental role.

“Yeah, whatever,” she spat as she brushed past him. Her tone was harsh, maybe even hurtful. But the expression on her face held sadness.

“I know you like bacon,” Dorian changed the subject instantly. “I made it extra crispy.”

She tried to still be tough, but she couldn’t help but smile. “Really?” She called in an annoyed tone, sipping what was left of her water. She took her seat on the couch, noticing how clean the living room was now.

“Yep, and eggs, and a pancake,” Dorian called again, the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen as he flipped the bacon over.

“I don’t really like pancakes,” Saturn said, continuing her facade.

“I know, that’s why I said ‘pancake’,” Dorian said, looking over his shoulder with a smug expression on his face at Saturn, who in return had a surprised expression on hers.

“You did not,” Saturn pouted. She really, actually liked pancakes a lot.

“I did only make one pancake, but naturally it’s yours. You can’t play me, Saturn.”

Saturn huffed and sat back on the couch, setting her water down and crossing her arms.

“There’s also coffee,” Dorian called again, “if you’d like something to warm you up since, you know, you spilled water on yourself.”

“You asshole!” Saturn shouted, pushing herself up off the couch and storming back to his bedroom and slamming the door shut. When the door closed, she had to let out her laughter. Quietly, so Dorian wouldn’t hear. She went to his closet, tossed the wet one on the floor and picked out a new one.

“Breakfast complete,” Dorian called, knocking on the door twice. “Unless you’d rather stay in there-”

Saturn opened the door almost instantly. “I’m ready for the pancake.”

Through the food and the games, they had returned to their normal selves. Saturn wasn’t angry anymore, though in the back of her mind she still wished she had that eight-ball. She tried to push the thought out of her mind, but it was something that seemed to always stay. After an hour had passed, her phone buzzed on the coffee table.

“1:30,” Saturn said, looking at Dorian. I need to go back to my place and get new clothes.”

“You mean, you weren’t going to show up in my shirt and no pants?” Dorian said, raising his eyebrows.

“You know, I thought about it, but then I decided that I didn’t want Travlok judging me today,” She said, a finger resting on her chin. “So maybe I’ll get clothes instead.”

“Okay, let me put the dishes up and we can head on over there. Remember I have your bass in my trailer.”

“Right,” Saturn said, breaking off the last bite of bacon and crunching it. “Mmm.”

Dorian grabbed all the dishes and headed into the kitchen, setting them into the sink. Saturn could hear the sound of running water as he rinsed them off, then the “clink” as he set them in the dishwasher. After a few minutes, they were ready to go.

Dorian hooked up the trailer to his truck and started the car while Saturn finished gathering her things. She checked herself in the mirror, rubbing the leftover eyeliner on her face and poking at the dark circles against her pale skin. Her fingers were still trembling as she examined the edge of her nose; still raw. The skin around the edges was starting to flake as it tried to grow back, though it was hard with the drug constantly roughing it up again  
  
She poked at it a little longer before a horn honked outside, and she hurried to get her things and rush out the door.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
Suri had her mind set on surprising the band. She always wanted to be useful, so she always moved to outdo herself each and every time she saw them. She hadn’t known the band as long as they all knew each other, and she felt like she had to prove herself for them to accept her. So far, the only one that bothered to call and talk with her outside of work, was her boss. Travlok.

“Yes, I’ll be right there,” Suri said, grabbing a bunch of tech and her lunchbox and running out the front door.

She had managed to convince the manager running The Colosseum today to let her come in early and do a practice run with her new equipment. She wanted to be prepared at The Garage. She hustled, going ten miles over the speed limit as she hauled ass to get there.

She was sure she didn’t have to drive that fast, but she wanted as much time as possible to work.

  
When she arrived, she practically pulled everything out of her car as a jumble of cords and wires. This irritated her, but she could always fit it easily. After all, she had done this enough times to know what she was doing.

“Hello, my name is Joseph,” A younger man held open the door for Suri, waiting until she scurried inside before holding out his hand to her. “You must be… Suri? Am I pronouncing that right?”

Suri pushed the weight of all her equipment onto one arm, obviously struggling as she reached out to take Joseph’s hand. “Y-yes,” She replied, doing a single footed jump as she kept a part from falling.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I wasn’t thinking,” Joseph said, quickly letting go and saving the computer mouse from dropping to the floor.

“Thanks, it’s not a problem, formalities are always important too,” Suri replied, “You can set that on top. Can you please unlock the sound box for me? I’m on a time schedule… I’m sure you know what that’s like.”

Joseph laughed softly. “No doubt about that. I’m always hustling around here. This is the only time of day where this place is empty. Starting at about 12, there’s usually always someone here.”

“Oh… Sorry to disturb your silence,” Suri said, looking over at Joseph. “This was really important though, otherwise I probably would have left you alone.”

“No worries,” Joseph replied as he unlocked the sound booth. With a soft click, he pulled the door open for Suri. “I’m sure you’ve been here before but I’m required to give you the rundown. Anything that gets unhooked, gets re-hooked when you leave. The equalizer stays put. Any custom work can be plugged into the computer for download, but I see you’ve brought your own, so luckily for you it’s an easy switch out. Four, Two, and Five don’t get turned off under any circumstances, those are required by law to stay on. Other than that, feel free to use any of the other lights set up here. That’s about it, this is a huge place, so if you have any questions use the headset, channel four. Enjoy,” Joseph finished, taking a curt bow before backing out and letting the door shut behind him.

Suri looked out towards the stage, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. She had been there before, but it had been a long time. She was thankful for the rundown. Otherwise Four, Two, and Five definitely would have gone off. She untangled her jumble of equipment and started setting up.

She would make this performance their best yet, no matter what.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1:30 came faster than anyone expected. Travlok had been waiting since 1, getting everything set up. He even decided to be nice enough to make lunch for the kids, again. Suri had come in maybe a minute after he had gotten there, a bright grin on her face. She was more than ready for their final performance tomorrow, and if any changes were to be made, there would be no issues at all on her part. Dorian and Saturn were third, unloading the equipment from the trailer around 1:20, and Elias and Kiran brought up the rear.

When the last two stepped out of the car, Travlok stepped over to give them a “you’re late” speech, but held his tongue when he saw Kiran.

“There’s ice in the freezer,” he said instead, crossing his arms. “We’re going to have to beat up everyone in this band for a theme to get to play tomorrow. You look like shit.”

“Nice to see you too,” Kiran said, rolling her eyes and walking past him. “I’m fine.”  
  
“I didn’t ask if you were fine. I said you look like shit. Now I'm going to have to dip into your ice cream fund to get Samantha to do your makeup, again.”

“Samantha does a great job, I don’t know why you don’t just keep her on board full time,” Kiran said, turning on her mic and doing a few tests as Suri adjusted the volume accordingly.

“Because for one, you all do your own stuff. Two, she’s expensive.”

“No she isn’t,” Kiran replied, letting out a strained gasp as she bent down to move the mic cord out of the way.

Elias jumped down and moved it for her, giving her a warning glare. When he stood back up, he joined Saturn in tuning their instruments.

Travlok cut off his conversation with Kiran as he pulled The Garage door down a bit to block out the sun. “Alright, folks. Tomorrow is your gig. No I will not tell you where it is. The rule today is whatever Suri and I say, goes. She’s worked hard for you all, I don’t want any one of you giving her, or each other, shit. Kiran, you have to get your shit together before you hand it to anyone else.” Kiran rolled her eyes in response. “The set list is at your feet. Are there any protests to the set line up? Say aye.” Travlok waited as the band looked over the list.

“Actually, yeah. Why aren’t we playing The Broken at the end? That’s our most popular song.” Kiran said, looking up at Travlok.

“Because, you played it for your closing song yesterday. Tomorrow, it will be your opener,” he responded. “And besides, there’s a new song we’re going to release. Any problem?”

Kiran shook her head. She reached down for the water bottle Suri had put there and drank a few gulps before setting it down. “No sir, let’s get this show on the road.”

Dorian started practice off with his drumsticks, the sound echoing through The Garage. What The Garage was, was an older building that rested in the back of an abandoned shopping center. It was large enough to be a one bedroom house. One wall they took out and installed a garage door, and that was to be the area they would perform. Travlok’s guess was that it was the living room. The place had a working kitchen and a room (probably a bedroom) they all decided was their “break room”. Overall, it was a really nice building for them, and they all had done something for it at some point. Painting, repairing, or building to it. It was a safe house, an escape house, a rest house, a game house, an after hours practice house; it was their second home.

The walls shook with their music, Dorian’s bass drum bouncing off their eardrums and echoing through the room. Saturn switched to her electric. The song that was picked for their last song was one that would be sung by Elias, and he stepped up to Kiran’s mic, the guitar he had roaring. Kiran stepped back to the keyboard. Dorian adjusted his mic for backup vocals.

_“You don’t want to break down,_  
_Anywhere or somehow_  
_You can’t stand to be alone, but_  
_Why are you not telling me the truth?”_  
  
Elias glanced at Kiran, and she looked back at him. This was the first time he’d performed a song he’s written. She knew it was about her.

_“Everything is lost now,_   
_You try to hide in the deep_   
_But you can hold your breath no longer,_   
_Why are you not telling me the truth?”_

He let his eyes close, feeling the song pull through him.

_“Cause when all this fear _   
_Haunts you, I’ll be here,_   
_But you won’t tell me everything-”_

As the chorus came up the sound grew louder. The drums beat harder, the guitars roared louder, The Garage pulsed with the beat.

_“Should I stay the night?_   
_Stay awake right by your side?_   
_When there is darkness trying to embrace-_   
_(the thoughts in your head!)_   
_Cause even the darkest nights_   
_Hide a path that leads to light_   
_Because for a moment,_   
_Just for this moment,_   
_You’ll be alright”_

Kiran listened to the vocals, the lyrics being a surprise for everyone. She played the song as she remembered from the music sheet Elias had scribbled out for her, following along with the music. Her heart tightened in her chest as she listened to Elias sing with Dorian’s voice as his echo, the words jabbing her harder as he continued on. Tears threatened to break from her eyes, but she forced herself to focus. She was just performing. There was nothing to it. Nothing at all…

Nothing at all.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

  
Suri took a bite of her sandwich and glanced over at Kiran, who was sitting at the right end of the table. She looked over Kiran’s features. She didn’t know a lot about the singer, but from her time with the band she learned that whatever happened isn’t good, and it happened a lot. She took a second bite and turned her head to the opposite end of the table where Elias was sitting. The two had been silent the entire time, occasionally looking at each other.

After Elias’ song, Kiran had left practice and stormed into the break room. She had slammed the door and locked it shut, and Elias had gone after her. Nobody dared to disturb them, but there had been a lot of shouting and wall hitting for a bit. Travlok finally called it and gave out lunch, bringing the two back together.

There they all were, sitting in silence at the table, hearing each other chew. What a wonderful day it was indeed.

Travlok cleared his throat, always breaking the silence. “Look, Kiran-” he started, but Kiran held her hand up to cut him off.

“Song is fine, don’t care,” she read his mind and he understood to shut his bearded mouth.

“Dude I didn’t realize you had a voice,” Saturn said to Elias, nudging him with her elbow. “And you! I haven’t heard you sing like that in like...Forever!” She turned to Dorian, also nudging him with her elbow.

“I sing like this all the time, you can’t hear me over your own vocals,” Dorian said, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t be rude,” Saturn said, sticking out her tongue.

“We don’t have to do the song,” Elias said, looking at Kiran, even though his voice was directed at Travlok.

“We’re doing the song,” Kiran said, taking an angry bite from her sandwich and glaring at Elias. “So shut the fuck up.”

“Quit being aggressive,” Travlok smacked his fist on the table. “If there is an issue, share it with the class. Otherwise get out.”  
  
Kiran inhaled slowly and let out a deep breath. She felt her sister’s hands on her shoulders, rubbing them gently.

_ It’s okay, sis. I don’t see why you can’t just let the guy have feelings._  
  
“Sorry,” Kiran muttered, and finished her sandwich. “Can we go home?”

Travlok pulled out his phone. It was almost 4:30.

“Yeah, go ahead. You know the drill. Kiran, 2 pm, Samantha. Be there or be a fuckhead.”

“I’m already a fuckhead,” Kiran said, pushing herself up from the table and walking to the door. She would have left, but she came with Elias, so she waited outside by the car.

She wasn’t mad, not really. But every time Elias did something like this, it turned her emotions into scrambled eggs. She already had enough problems to deal with, she hated adding Elias to it, he just wouldn’t give up. She loved that about him, but she hated it too.

“You ready?” Elias asked, unlocking the door. “Travlok said to be here at 4 tomorrow.”

“Mkay,” Kiran replied, opening her side and flopping in.

“Why are you upset,” Elias asked, shutting his door once he was inside.

“I’m not. You just can’t surprise me like that, writing a song for me,” she replied, looking over at him.

“I didn’t write it for you, Kiran. I wrote it for me.” Elias backed out of the parking spot and turned around, heading home.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So anyway,” Saturn continued her story to Dorian and Suri as she laid upside-down on the couch. Her fingers were messing with the fabric of the rug. “I was what, sixteen at the time okay so you can’t be rude to me, but I literally kicked this big ‘ol fat guy right in his fuckin’ ass okay? And you know what he did?”

Suri leaned in closer, she was so into this story Saturn was telling, she really didn’t care if it wasn’t even true. But knowing what she knew about Saturn, it was probably true. “What did he do?” she asked, pressing her hands together

“So he turned around and grabbed me by the neck, swear to god,” Saturn kissed two fingers and held them up to the ceiling in some religious manner, “and he squeezed me so hard I thought I was gonna pass out. But lucky for me I had a nut shot, so I kicked him in the nuts too!”  
Dorian visibly winced.

“And I mean, when you have this big of a dude, I really thought I was done for.”

“That’s so awesome! I wish I was that tough when I was sixteen,” Suri said, leaning back. “I just, you know. I was just a nerd.”

“Nothing wrong with that, I mean we all had different childhoods you know, we all came out differently. Just different ways of experiencing life, you know? Sometimes I wished I was tame enough to be ‘just a nerd’.” She said, doing the finger quotes. “Your life probably wasn’t as rough.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Suri said, raising a knee and resting an arm on it.

“Okay, do all of the women in this band have serious issues? Because I don’t think I’m enough to help everyone, I’m only one guy,” Dorian said, raising his hands up.

Saturn glared playfully at Dorian, “Excuse me? I have moderate issues,” she said flatly, and Suri laughed softly.

“You make a good point, Dorian,” Saturn continued, “That’s why we have Elias. See, now you aren’t alone to handle the women’s serious issues.”

“Okay, but can I tell a story now?” Suri chimed in, obviously excited to be spending this much time with her band members, even though it wasn’t all of them.

“Yeah, sure,” Saturn said, sitting back up the right way on the couch. She dipped her hand into the bowl of popcorn sitting beside her.

“Okay so one time in high school, I mean I was a real techie there too, and so I was in the theatre… I guess you’d call it practicing for the next show. You know, making sure my lights worked and everything,” Suri started, taking a sip of her beer before putting it back on the table.

“Which by the way,” Saturn butt in, pointing at Suri, “I don’t think any one of us has like, actually said thank you, so thank you! Cause you do a great job making us look good.”

Suri grinned, and Dorian raised his hand, “I mean I’ve said something,” he said, and Saturn smacked the back of his bald head.

“Don’t ruin the moment,” she spat, looking back at Suri. “Anyway continue!!”

Suri let out a deep breath, letting the flutters in her stomach relax. “Okay so anyway, I was practicing for the show, which was after school hours. Technically I shouldn’t have been there, but I got a copy of the key from the drama director because… I was literally the only one in the whole school that knew how to run the light and sound board, so he let me do whatever the hell I wanted pretty much.”

“Uhhuh, uhhuh,” Saturn said, resting her elbows on her knees as she leaned in closer. “Then what happened?”

“So I hear the doors open, and remembered that I had forgotten to lock them when I came in. I was pretty scared to be honest,” Suri continued, sitting back up straight. “I peeked out of the sound booth and saw, man I couldn’t believe it, it was Damien Koleski. He was this stupid guy, probably the typical bully character you read about in books and shit. And I mean he was brutal sometimes. He’d sent kids to the hospital many times. I don’t know how he was able to stay at that high school, but he shouldn’t have been.”

“So he was there, and he had this other scrawny kid with him. The poor thing already had a bloody nose, right? I was like ‘what the hell!’ and I had to do something. I thought Damien was going to kill the kid. Okay so what happened was Damien took the other kid, I think his name was Matthew, and he drug him down to the stage area and literally threw him down there. I was a freshman at the time, and this dude was a senior, so it was a miracle that this even happened.”

“What happened!” Saturn chimed in, now drawn into the story just as Suri was drawn into hers.

“So there was a closet that we kept in the theatre for emergency props, right? A whole bunch of neat stuff in there, but it was behind the stage.. I had to sneak out of the sound booth and down the isles to get there. The poor dude was getting beat up there and I had to listen to it, it really sucked. But I managed to get behind stage without either of them noticing me. And what I did was grab a mask from the closet and put it on, I think it was a tiger mask, and found a bat in there from when they performed Sand Lot, and I literally ran out onto the stage and whacked Damien in the head so hard that I probably gave him a concussion and ran out, then took the kid to the hospital. Nothing crazy like you’ve done, but probably the most ‘badass’ thing I’ve ever done.”

“How old were you then?” Saturn asked, genuinely impressed.

“Fourteen. If you’re gonna ask how I got the kid to the hospital, it’s because when I had tech days my dad would let me take his old Toyota. I grew up knowing how to drive with him, so I literally never got caught. Plus my school was like...less than a mile down the road, so that always helped. But, nonetheless! I drove the kid to the hospital and made it back without the police finding out! I’m a rebel, I know,” Suri finished, doing a theatrical bow.

“Maybe I should hang out with you more often,” Saturn laughed. “You seem like a really fun person. In fact, would you care to join me and Dorian at his apartment for some Mario Kart?” Saturn asked, not bothering to even ask Dorian if he had planned on doing anything at his own apartment.

Dorian just looked at Saturn and raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you want to ask me if I was going to do anything at, you know, my apartment?” He said, and Saturn’s head whipped around to look at him.

“It’s okay, I don’t want it to be a problem,” Suri said, but Saturn held her hand out to shush her.

“Not a problem, you can come over, it’s cool,” Saturn said. “Right Dorian?”

“Yep, that’s fine. I’ll make spaghetti or something,” He said, rolling his eyes. “Grab your beers and let’s go.”

“Okay, awesome,” Suri said, feeling the flutters again.

She didn’t know why the band excited her so much, but everyone in it had something about them that made her want to be a part of what they were. She wanted to be more than just their tech. She wanted to be part of the group, someone they could rely on, like a friend.

It had been a while since Suri had anyone else in her life. Maybe tonight that would change.

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Elias pulled into the driveway, another car was already there. A black Firebird was parked close to the garage, and Elias pulled up beside it. There, standing at the door, was Morion. He was holding a bouquet of white roses as he leaned against her front door.

Kiran’s heart stopped in her chest. Her lips parted, and she let out a soft shaky breath.

“You don’t have to go,” Elias said, looking over at her. “Do you want me to take you back to my place?” He asked, already putting the car in reverse.

“No, it’s fine,” Kiran said. “It’s okay.” She reached down and grabbed her bag, throwing the strap over her shoulder. “Thanks for the ride, see you tomorrow,” she said, and opened the door.

When she got to the door, she waited for Elias to pull away before she even looked at Morion.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, looking at the roses as he handed them to her.

“I just, you know,” Morion replied, holding the bouquet out to her. “I’m sorry. I fucked up.” He rested his hand gently against the side of her face, barely touching where her bruises were. “Again. I fucked up again. I just, I don’t know. I know I have problems. I always go too far. Can you forgive me?” He asked, looking into her eyes.  
  
Kiran let her eyes close, clutching onto the roses. “I could, but it wouldn’t mean anything,” she said finally, opening her eyes again. “You do it over and over, you always say sorry. I’ve forgiven you a million times, when you say you won’t do it again,” She held the roses up to her nose, breathing in the aroma.

“I promise, I promise it won’t happen again,” Morion pleaded. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“I know,” Kiran replied, looking up at Morion. “Let’s go inside.”

The spirits hadn’t left her house from this morning. There had to be at least 20 there, her sister included. They always called out to her, reached out for her, always touching her, always hugging her. They wanted her help. They needed her help. She was the vessel that would release their souls, reach out to their families, switch the flowers on their graves. She was the body that would let them possess her. She was the only one willing to help the dead. So, they never left her alone. And there they were.

_ I tried to get them to leave._

Kiara turned and looked at Kiran, letting out a heavy sigh. _I’m sorry._

  
Morion pulled Kiran close, taking the flowers from her and setting them on a shelf by the front door. He leaned in and pulled her close, putting his lips against her neck, soothing her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her ear. “I care about you.”

There he went, always drawing her in. Caressing her emotions, bringing them to her. She swore he was her puppet master, he always had the reigns. She couldn’t help but be who he wanted her to be, and always be there. She hated him so much, but she loved him just the same.

His hands slid up the back of her shirt, running along her spine. “Let me make it up to you,” he said softly, biting the tip of her ear. “Let me treat you right.”

She knew he wouldn’t, that he would fuck it all up again. He would be her demise. But she loved it.

“Prove that you can,” Kiran said, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Make me your temple.”

Morian gave her his half smile and kissed her deeply as he carried her into the bedroom.

  
Everything went as normal. They smoked the pipe, one, two, three times to start, ripping clothes off and tossing them in different areas of the house. His hands touched her body all over, holding her against him tight as he was inside her. It always went smoothly at first. With the sixth smoke and the second injection, it started to go downhill. His hands were rougher, harder. Around her arms, around her neck.

“Stop,” Kiran would say, but he would never.

He pulled her hair, pulling her head back to him as he fucked her from behind.

“I had a thought,” He whispered to her, the drugs starting to talk. “You fucked him, didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kiran gasped, clenching the sheets on the bed.

“You did, didn’t you. Don’t lie to me.”

“It’s none of your business what I do,” Kiran growled, and he only tugged harder.

He grabbed her body and flipped her over, hovering above her with his hand around her neck. “You’re a fucking slut,” he spat, pushing his other hand into her chest as he fucked her harder, rougher.

“Stop, I don’t deserve this,” Kiran choked out, clenching onto his arm.

“I’ll show you what you deserve, bitch.”

  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. 3

Dorian stretched his arms over his head with a yawn, looking up at the ceiling. He had fallen asleep on his living room couch, who knows when during the night last night. He remembered playing Mario Kart, getting his ass whooped, then playing Smash, and getting his ass whooped. At some point he had given up and went to make dinner, spaghetti with tomato and basil sauce and meatballs, and watched the two girls fight each other for most of the night. 

He sat up and looked around the room, not seeing the two anywhere. Before he did anything, he went to the restroom, casually checking the drawers and cabinets for any new surprises stashed there. Then, breakfast. Every morning, whether Saturn liked it or not, he made breakfast for them. She wasn’t allowed to complain anyway, because he worked so hard on his breakfast. Today, it was going to be Belgian waffles. And cereal, depending on what Suri was into. As he mixed the batter, he carried the bowl with him down the hall. He slowly cracked the door to Saturn’s room, and found it empty. A wave of panic washed over him for a moment, and he froze. He pushed it open more and looked around, but her things were still here. The window wasn’t open or anything, which was good. Her shoes were here, her clothes were here, her bag was here. He turned around and glanced at his bedroom, heading that way.

When he reached his door he did the same, cracking it open and peering inside. There, he found Saturn and Suri, curled up together underneath his covers. There were sodas and beers on the floor, a bag of chips, the TV remote, nail polish, and a bunch of other shit scattered around his room.

He smiled.

For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t worried about Saturn. He wasn’t scared that she had snuck off in the night to her dealer. He wasn’t worried that she had gotten too doped up last night and he’d have to make sure she hadn’t choked in her sleep. For once, he saw her having fun. Normal fun, with a friend. And it really made his morning great.

  
  


When he finished making the waffles he set the table, getting out orange juice and fixing a pot of coffee. A thought came into his mind, that, like the others, they didn’t know a lot about Suri. She’d been with the group for about four months. Not a long time, but enough time for them to get to know her. The thing is, they didn’t. They’ve been together so long, about four years as a band, and much longer than that as friends, that I guess the thought of fresh meat didn’t really appeal to them. Even he, who was willing to get to know anyone, hadn’t reached out. At least she was good.  _ Really _ good. Their performances were a lot better with her lighting coordination. They sounded better because she knew what she was doing. They probably got more gigs because  _ she _ made them better. Of course, they did have amazing music. But that’s besides the point. 

He went to his bedroom again and knocked on the door.

“Saturn, breakfast, Suri, I don’t know what you like but there are waffles,” he called, pausing a moment. Silence.

He knocked again. “Saturn!” He shouted, and Saturn jumped up almost instantly.

“Wh-huh-what?!” Saturn shouted back, startling Suri.

“What happened?!” Suri sat up, rubbing her eyes.

“Breakfast is ready,” Dorian said, shutting the door with a smirk on his face.

  
  


When the girls came to the table, Saturn raised her eyebrows. “The  _ table _ ? Who are you trying to empress?” She said, then glanced at Suri. “Are you trying to impress Suri?” 

“It’s just we have a guest, you know, that never happens and I need to make sure I look good,” Dorian replied, winking at Saturn as he set a waffle on each plate.

“You really didn’t have to go out of the way for me, Dorian,” Suri said, yawning again. “I do appreciate the waffles though, thank you.” She picked up a fork and dug in, then looked at her empty glass. “Actually I’m gonna get some of that orange juice,” she started to get up, but Dorian had already grabbed the bottle and handed it to her. 

“Oh, thanks,” she said.

Saturn watched him with a raised eyebrow. Maybe it was jealousy flaring up under her skin as she watched how  _ nice _ he was being to the new girl. She cleared her throat.

“What,” Dorian said flatly, looking at Saturn. 

“What?” Saturn replied, digging into her waffle. “My throat had something caught in it.”

“Mhm, okay.”

“Why did you have to wake us up, anyway? We had too much fun last night, we need beauty rest,” Saturn mumbled through a mouthful.

“Because I want to get the group together for a practice run. You know how it is before shows. I want to just be prepared. Apparently we have a big show tonight, I’m sort of bummed we don’t know anything about it.”

Suri was smiling as she dug into her waffle, trying to keep her mouth shut.

“I mean, how am I supposed to know where to set up my drums if I’ve never seen the stage before? This whole thing is stressing me out,” Dorian finished, taking a couple sips of coffee. 

“You’ll know where to set up,” Suri said before shoving another piece of waffle down her throat. 

Saturn looked Suri up and down, her eyes narrowing. “You know something, don’t you?” she said.

Suri glanced at Saturn, then back at her waffle. “Travlok told me not to tell anyone, okay? But there are going to be marks on the stage where you need to set up, okay? Don’t be mad at me.”

Dorian snorted, “Makes sense he would tell you what’s going on, you’re the tech! You have to know,” he said, and chuckled a little. 

Saturn kept her glare on, but she slowly turned back to her waffle. “Well, whatever. At least we will be prepared for that, yeah? I’m sure you’ll take care of us, Suri.” She let out a long breath, relaxing.

She didn’t know why she had gotten so worked up, but she honestly had a really good time with Suri last night. They talked a lot, she learned a lot. It was a great time, honestly. Just a genuinely great time. Today would be great too. She was certain it would be.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

No text. No phone call. Elias had stayed up most of the night looking at his phone, watching the clock. He wouldn’t come back to save Kiran from her own home, because she’d have no reason to leave. He felt it in his gut that he should have, though. Something told him that he was wrong for staying where he was. When he woke up, his phone was on his face, and he checked it immediately.

Nothing.

_ Should I call? _ He thought, placing his phone on the dresser as he grabbed his clothes for the day. 

No, Kiran was an adult. He didn’t need to watch after her. He was just her friend.  _ Just her friend. _ What was he thinking? Better yet,  _ what was she thinking? _

“Ugh!” he shouted, knocking a few things off of his night stand. 

He couldn’t stand it, the things she did to herself. He had to do something. He picked up the phone and dialed her number. It rang. It rang. It rang, and again. And again. And again. Until it went to voicemail. He slowly lowered the phone from his ear and looked at it, glancing to the time in the corner. It wasn’t early, but it wasn’t late. He tapped the red circle to end the call, but he couldn’t put the phone down.

_ Was she okay? _

_ She’s probably asleep, _ he thought, finally sliding the phone into his pocket and starting his day.

He would do a morning workout routine each day, nothing too hard but nothing too easy, just something to get his body working. Then shower. Then breakfast. The whole time he tried to push her from his mind, but he couldn’t shake it. Something was wrong, but he forced himself to ignore it and move on.

By noon he still hadn’t heard anything. If he hadn’t had anxiety, he definitely did now. He had gone to The Garage, thinking she might be there, but of course she wasn’t. Dorian and Saturn had even showed up early, considering they didn’t need to be there for four more hours. 

“What’s going on?” Dorian asked, walking up to Elias.

He had just been leaning against his car, probably hyperventilating. 

“Dude, I just. It’s Kiran, she’s stressing me out,” Elias said, the words falling out of his mouth.

“What did she say?” Dorian said, looking at Saturn. He wasn’t really good at trying to calm someone down.

“Nothing! She didn’t say anything. I haven’t heard a thing from her,” Elias said. “I was hoping she would be here. Have either of you heard anything?”

Dorian and Saturn shook their heads. Suri shook hers as well, though she knew he wasn’t asking her.

“It’s okay,” Saturn said, walking up to Elias. “Kiran’s fine. You just have to give her space, dude. She’s my best friend. I know her probably better than you do.”

Elias thought it over. He was pretty sure at this point he knew her better than anyone. “Fine, I’ll believe you. Let’s get the hell inside so I can do something else,” he said, turning and walking into The Garage. 

Hours passed. No one heard anything from Kiran. Not until 4:15, when her Toyota Camry pulled in.

She got out of the car and walked up to The Garage, the gang pausing the practice and watching her in silence. It was obvious she had actually gone to see Samantha, because she looked  _ much _ better than she did yesterday, to the point where it might not have happened at all. She didn’t say a word, merely set her stuff down and walked up to her microphone. She tapped it a couple times. “Test,” she said into it, and a couple times more before she looked at Suri and gestured upwards with her thumb. Suri was staring at her just a moment before snapping back into the real world, gently turning up the volume. 

Kiran tapped it a few more times and nodded, taking her stance and holding the mic with both hands.

“Well?” She said, looking over her shoulder at the band. “Let’s do this shit.”

\----------------------------------------------------------

The Colosseum was bigger than the band had imagined. And it looked just as the name gave off. It was a large round building, with open windows all around the outside of the  _ first _ layer of walls. When you walked in, you came into an enclosed building, the lobby having a few windows here and there, though the further you went, the darker it got. It was beautiful. When the band checked in, they were sent to the back. There were multiple rooms for all the bands to rest in, and their “break room” was probably as big as the stage was. It even came with it’s own pool table.

Suri knew all about the place already, giving the members the grand tour of the venue. They had gotten there an hour early, giving them enough time to get to know how things were. They got to hear the other band’s music, taking their turns talking shit about the members with their ugly guitars and bad hairdos. About fifteen minutes til, Kiran disappeared. 

Her anxiety was through the roof. She was shaking so bad she couldn’t hold onto her drink. She had to get out of there, and she decided to hide in the bathroom. She tossed her bag onto the counter, digging through it and pulling out all sorts of things. The first thing was the crack pipe. The second was the Adderall. The third was the coke. She would be ready, no matter what. 

She smoked quickly, taking two or three hits before filling her hands with water and downing the pills. After about ten minutes, Saturn came in.

“Hey, what are you doing? We’re about to go on!” Saturn said, coming up to Kiran and eyeballing the cocaine on the counter.

“I just, I just can’t,” Kiran said, her hands trembling. “I just needed help. Do it with me,” she said, handing her blade to Saturn. “You’re my best friend.”

Saturn swallowed hard. She was trying so hard to stop. She told herself she would stop. But seeing how Kiran was, she couldn’t say no. Not to her, not to the cocaine. “You know I will, like old times. Let’s do it,” Saturn said, saying a silent apology to Dorian before snorting the whole line. Kiran did the same, but did a second one too. She shook her hands out, bouncing a little before scraping the rest into the bag. 

“Hey, why did you get two?” Saturn said, wiping her nose off with a napkin.

“I need it,” Kiran said, turning to head out but losing her balance and tripping. Her bag flew, all her drugs and needles spilling out.

“Kiran…” Saturn exclaimed, reaching down to help her up, but unable to look away from all the drugs. She looked down at Kiran. “What have you done?”   
  


“I’m fine,” Kiran said, hastily picking up her things and getting out of that bathroom as fast as she could. 

When she caught up to the rest of the group, she could feel her heart racing. She was ready. She didn’t think she would feel so anxious about all those people when she wanted bigger. She really got it, it was big. Bigger than she would have thought could happen just overnight. It was amazing. They were amazing. All those people watching. One of them was Morion, she knew he was there, he told her he would come. But it didn’t matter. She would take them on. She would show them who she was. She would give them the music.

Kiran was so distracted by everything else, she didn’t hear Saturn whispering to the others about what she had seen. They were concerned, but there wasn’t anything they could do now. The other band cleared, Suri giving them the go ahead to set up. Dorion and Saturn rolled out the drum set, while Kiran and Elias brought out the amps and guitars. Travlok got the keyboard out, and Suri brought in the set lists and last little things. Her and Travlok checked headsets before she headed out to the sound booth.

Saturn and Elias turned their guitars, making sure everything was good. Kiran tested the mic, a new wave of energy flowing through her. She could feel her blood pulsing through her fingers as she gripped it harder. 

When everything was ready, they all fell silent. Elias started them off with the sound of his guitar, filling the air with sound. The chord drew out, and then the lights snapped on.

Kiran was blind, unable to see anything out in the audience. Just how she liked it. She gripped the mic stand and sang as loud as she could, hearing her voice echo across the stage, off the walls, off her mind. She couldn’t feel a thing. She was in heaven. They started with The Broken, and right away their fans could be heard. There in the front, hands raised, jumping with Kiran and singing along. 

With the second song it was the same, except the voices got louder. More and more people that knew their music. More and more people that liked them. This fueled Kiran even more and she pushed herself harder. She was starting to sweat.

They were nearing the end, one song left before Elias’ performance. Kiran had gripped the mic stand, for once leaving it in place. She fought to keep her focus, her heart beating in her ears. She breathed in deeply, forcing her eyes to stay open.

_ “Facing the night, _

_ Left without sight, _

_ No kiss goodbye,  _ _   
_ _ No tears left to cry in the quiet and in the dark _

_ Am I the eyes you’re looking for?” _

She could feel the music pulse through her, the vibrations in her body echoing those of the drums. With each hit of the bassdrum she felt a jolt go through her.

“ _ Fighting the pain _

_ All in vain _

_ The bombs will fall, _

_ The curtains draw, _

_ You can’t hide from what you saw.” _

The energy pulled at her, dragging her down fast. She couldn’t feel a thing. She was numb.

_ “But we’ll fight the dark _

_ And then you’ll see, _

_ We’ll shout into the void, baby-” _

She let her head drop back as she cut herself off, letting the crowd sing the rest.

_ “You won’t break me! _

_ Wait and you’ll see, _

_ At dawn, I’ll still be here… _

_ I’ll find you when the lights go out,  _

_ I’ll be here when it all comes falling down, _

_ All comes falling down, _

_ You can’t take me down” _

  
  


By the time Elias’ song came, Kiran wasn’t even in her mind. She would have been upset at this song if she could feel anything. But she played smoothly, carrying on her facade. She played like a charm all the way to the end. 

“Beautiful,” She said, stepping back from the keyboard. “I loved it, you guys are amazing,” she said, walking towards backstage. “I just need to take a break for a moment,” she said, wiping her nose. When she looked down, she saw glistening red. “Just a moment,” She repeated, lifting her foot to take a step. But before it came back down, she had gone dark.

Kiran’s body hit the floor hard.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------


	4. 4

“Are you fucking crazy?!” Elias was shouting at Saturn, with Dorian trying to calm him down. “You snorted a line of coke with her? Why would you do that!”

“Listen asshole, I didn’t know she had done all that other stuff, okay? She asked me to, she looked so pitiful okay, I didn’t know what was going on!” Saturn shouted back, and a nurse stepped into the room.

“Look, I need you guys to leave if you are going to keep this up,” She said, glaring between the three of them.

“No,” They said at once, glancing at each other.

“Sorry,” Elias grumbled, moving to Kiran’s bedside. 

When she had hit the floor last night, the world stopped spinning for the band. They could feel the clock ticking down. Dorian knew from experience that there were only moments until they’re gone. Elias had rushed to her side, trying to wipe up the blood spilling from her nose but Dorian had moved him out of the way. He checked her heartbeat, finding it had slowed way down. “Call 911,” He said, moving into CPR position if he needed to. He looked up at Elias, “NOW,” he shouted, starting Elias into moving. “There’s nothing I can do except wait to see if her heart slows.”  
“Can’t you make her throw up?!” Elias said, but to his disappointment Dorian shook her head.  
“There’s too much going on, and I have no idea what she did, it isn’t safe right now.” 

Dorian had carried her to the ambulance, Elias holding her hand the whole time. She was just a limp body. He wondered if she would die on the way, his breath catching in his chest. He was going to ride in the ambulance with her, but something had caught his attention. He looked over, seeing a very familiar face stepping out of the venue and stopping when he saw Elias. 

Morian didn’t have a single expression on his face as he watched the EMTs load Kiran into the back of the ambulance, and that alone was enough to send Elias into overdrive. He walked calmly towards Morian, who was watching him the entire time.

“Hey,” Elias said, taking one more step forward before swinging an arm around and punching him square in the jaw. 

Morion grabbed onto him, but the anger in Elias was too strong. He hit Morion again, and again, and again, dodging most (but not all) hits Morion was swinging at him. When Morion hit the ground, though, Elias didn’t stop. He kept punching him until his face was covered in blood. 

“Hey, woah, woah,” One of the EMTs said, trying to pull Elias off of him.

“Take care of her,” Elias said, staring down at Morion’s unconscious body. “Please, please leave this shithead here. He’s the reason she’s in that ambulance.”

The EMT gestured for the ambulance to go, and she waited with her arms crossed. “You need to get out of here.” She told Elias, helping him off the ground.

His knuckles hurt, but he endured the pain. Next time he saw Morion, he probably would kill him.

“Please wake up, Kiran,” Saturn cried, resting her head on the bed. She had never seen Kiran this bad before, and she knew now how Dorian felt. Seeing someone you care about dying because of something stupid really hit her hard. 

They had taken her away a couple times, once to pump her stomach. She was out cold and hadn’t woken up for most of the day. It was around 6pm when her heart monitor slowed way down. 

“Get the nurse,” Dorian said, watching it. For some reason he thought if he looked away it would flat line.

Even though he kept his eyes on it, it finally did.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kiran opened her eyes slowly. _ What’s happened? _ She thought. She felt light, so light. So well. She felt so much better. She looked down at her body. _ Ah, okay. _

She wasn’t upset. She looked around, seeing all the people. The band, the nurses rushing in with the doctor by their side. When she turned around, she saw all the others, Kiara among them. The people that followed her, talked to her, watched out for her. There were 7 people alive in the room, 24 dead, including herself. 

_ You can’t be here, _ Kiara said. Even as a spirit, Kiara was crying. She could see the tears.

_ Why aren’t you happy? _Kiran said back, gasping as the nurses put the shock pads on her chest. The world had slowed down, the shock lasting much longer than it should. When she looked back, everyone seemed to be moving in slow motion.

_ Because, you’re supposed to live, Kiran. _

Kiran walked around the bed to where the band was standing against the wall, watching. She looked over all their faces. She saw the worry. The pain. It was so nice not to feel those emotions. Saturn was clinging to Dorian, Elias was clenching his fists so hard he had white knuckles. 

Again, she felt the shock. She knew she wasn’t fully gone. _ Let me go, _ she said to Kiara, who shook her head in response. 

_ I can’t. You made me a promise. You have to go back. _

Kiara walked over to Kiran, grabbing her by the front of her shirt.

_ What are you doing? _Kiran asked, but Kiara was silent.

She was waiting. Kiara was watching the nurses rub the pads together and place them back on Kiran’s chest. _ Sorry, sis. But you can’t stay here anymore. _

Kiara pushed Kiran hard, pushing her down into her body once again.

On the third shock, Kiran jolted up, gasping for breath. The nurses pulled the pads off her chest quickly, trying to grab her and lay her back down. They had never seen a reaction like that before.

Kiran couldn’t find the air yet, she clenched the bedsheets and breathed hard, almost hyperventilating.

“Oh my god,” Saturn said, putting her head in Dorian’s chest. 

The nurses kept touching Kiran, and she tried to smack their hands away. “Leave me alone,” She finally said when she found the words. “Get out of here, I’m fine.”

“You were just flatlined,” the nurse tried to explain, but Kiran cut her off. 

“I know, I was there,” Kiran said flatly. She let out a deep breath before laying down on her own. She felt so strong before. Now her body shook with the weakness that overcame her. She was upset with Kiara, but she understood. She let her eyes close. 

“Everyone get out. I want to be alone.”

“Kiran,” Elias started, but Dorian grabbed his shoulder. 

“Elias, let’s go,” Dorian said, gently moving the other two towards the door. “We’ll be in the waiting room, Kiran. Okay?” He said, following all but one of the nurses out of the room. 

_ I hate you, _ Kiran thought to Kiara, who was resting her hands against the edge of Kiran’s bed.

  
Kiara smiled. _I love you too._


	5. 5

It had been three days since the incident. Every day, the band would visit the hospital. They wanted to keep her there for at least a week to diagnose her mental conditions. Every day they showed up, but Kiran wouldn’t see them. Elias started to worry. He knew why she didn’t want to see them, she knew that Elias was upset. He was beyond upset, but it wasn’t at her. It was at Morion for pushing her towards her death, and it was at himself for not realizing what was going on. He wanted to take care of her, but instead he had failed her. If only he had showed up at her house that night, maybe none of this would have happened. 

He sat in the waiting room reading a book. When the others had gone for lunch, he stayed and waited, hoping she would ask to see him. It was a hopeless thought, but a thought nonetheless.

Hours passed. Eventually, Travlok came to the hospital and told everyone to either go home or practice. But Elias couldn’t leave. Instead, he took his chances of going to her room. He rested his hand on the closed door, then his forehead.

“Kiran?” He called, waiting. He stood for several minutes before finally hearing her respond.

“Are you still there?” She called, and he immediately perked up.

“Y-yes, I’m here.”

Kiran was silent a few more moments. “You can come in.”

Elias’ heart beat against his chest. He slowly cracked open the door and stepped inside, shutting it behind him. He walked over to her bedside.

"Kiran, I-” 

Kiran cut him off. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Elias was trembling. He reached towards her, taking her hand. “It wasn’t yours either.”

Kiran looked over to Elias, tears filling in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Elias stood, gently taking her in his arms, hugging her. “Don’t be.”

“I lied to you.”

  
  


Elias pulled back, looking over her face with a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“I hadn’t broken up with Morion.”

Anger started to bubble up under his skin. It was fast, heating up his cheeks. “You… didn’t? After all this time, and you’ve still called that monster your boyfriend?”

“I didn’t tell him, but he knew what I did with you. He kept drawing me in, Elias. Every time. We used to have a good relationship, you know. It wasn’t always all bad. I always had hope it would be like that again… I couldn’t let him go.” Kiran looked away from Elias. “So, I’m sorry, okay?”

Elias breathed deeply. “Well, I beat the shit out of his face, so he’s going to be so ugly you won’t want to be with him anymore.”

Kiran smiled, still looking away from him. “Good.”

Elias was silent for a few moments, sitting down on the bed next to her. He hadn’t let go of her hand.

“Give me a chance, Kiran. Please.”

Kiran looked back at Elias. She could see the sincerity in his eyes. The love.

“I’ll only hurt you.”

“Are you serious? You’re in the hospital right now. You’ve scared me many times. You’ve left me every night for someone that abuses you. You’ve lied to me, you’ve deceived me, you’ve played me. You had sex with me because you were high. Kiran, I don’t think you can hurt me anymore. I’ve stuck with you through it all. I’ve been there for you for as much as I could. I’ve rescued you on your worse nights. Please, Kiran. Just… Give me a chance.”

“I’m a freak. I see dead people,” Kiran replied, a tear rolling down her cheek. 

Elias leaned over and wiped the tear with his thumb. “I know. I know.”

Tears continued to fall down Kiran’s face, dripping off her chin and onto her bed sheets. “What if I can’t?”

“Why can’t you?” Elias said, taking both hands and wiping more tears from her eyes.

Kiran was silent. She really didn’t have an answer. She’s avoided Elias for so long, but she honestly didn’t know why. Maybe it was the fear of Morion that always was stored in the back of her soul.

When she didn’t respond, he got her attention again. “If you can’t think of anything, then you should just give it a try. You know I’ll take care of you. I’ll break up with Morion for you if you can’t.”

“How, by killing him?” Kiran was half smiling.

“Maybe, or worse,” Elias said, letting out a curt laugh. 

Kiran closed her eyes. She let out a deep breath. “Okay. But you have to promise me something.”

“Anything, Kiran.”

Kiran looked back at him.

“Promise me you’ll never leave.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturn was at her apartment with Dorian. After everything that had happened, she decided to officially move out. She was paying her rent for no reason, she was never there. She was stressed, not having seen Kiran in three days. She was scared she was going to relapse, that one line of coke they did together filling her thoughts. She didn’t even think she would ever do it again, seeing what it did to Kiran. But she knew there was always that urge, that itch. She wasn’t going to take any chances.

Dorian taped up a box and slid it over to Saturn, who scribbled over it with sharpie and pushing it onto the porch. He was helping her pay the fee to cancel her lease agreement. She had to pay double the amount of rent to leave halfway through the lease, but she just didn’t want to even have her stuff reside there anymore. She wanted to be somewhere where she felt safe.

“Okay, anything else?” Dorian said, wiping his forehead with a small towel. They had done a lot that evening, more than he thought they would be able to do. The whole apartment was packed up in just a few hours. 

“No, trash the rest. I don’t care. I want to go now,” Saturn replied, looking at Dorian. “I want to go home.”

Dorian gave her a smile, hearing her say the word ‘home’ made his stomach tie up in knots. “Okay. You can get in the truck, I’ll trash this stuff, okay?”

Saturn nodded, catching the keys Dorian tossed to her and heading out of the apartment. She jogged down the stairs, half running to the truck and swinging into the passenger’s side. When she settled, she brought her bag into her lap. She dug around in it, finally pulling out her wallet and opening it up. In a small pocket, she had a picture of her and Kiran when they were kids. She opened the folded picture and rubbed her thumb over Kiran’s face, breathing in slowly and then letting it all out. 

What could she have done? She blamed herself, letting herself snort cocaine with Kiran. Dorian said she couldn’t have known, but it didn’t matter. She hadn’t been as close with Kiran as they used to be. She had no idea what was happening. She knew Kiran smoked and would do some party drugs occasionally but… Nothing to that extreme. She didn’t know what was happening to her at home. She didn’t know anything. She squeezed the picture in her hands and brought out her cellphone, dialing Elias’ number. He was probably still at the hospital.

After a few rings, the line went to voicemail. Saturn held the phone out in front of her, staring at it in disbelief. She could feel the tears in her eyes. Why was this happening?

When Dorian returned to the truck, she had been hyperventilating. 

“We have to go back,” Saturn gasped through her tears. “Something happened, I couldn’t get Elias on the phone, we have to go back!”

“Woah, hold on, hold on, shh,” Dorian said, reaching over and grabbing Saturn by the shoulders. “It’s okay, what’s happening?”

“I don’t know, I just, I just tried calling and it went to voicemail, we need to go back,” Saturn cried, the tears dripping onto where his hands were resting.

Dorian looked at the clock. “It’s after midnight, Saturn, we can’t go back,” he said calmly. “We can go back first thing in the morning, okay? Don’t cry, everything is okay. If something happened you know Elias would call us, okay?”

Saturn pulled her shirt up and wiped her face. “Okay, okay fine,” she said, a bit mad that Dorian wouldn’t take them back. “Whatever.”

“Uh-uh,” Dorian said, letting go of Saturn. “Don’t ‘whatever’ me. I’m being reasonable. We’re going to go home, and you’re going to unpack some things, and then we’re going to bed.

Saturn shifted in her seat, turning away from Dorian and looking out the window.

  
  


When they got home, that’s exactly what she did. She dug through boxes and found her pajamas, throwing off her current clothes and tossing them in the corner before putting them on. She had told Dorian goodnight and jumped into her new bed, getting almost all the way under the covers, holding her phone about two inches away from her face. She knew she shouldn’t have, but she couldn’t help it.

She dialed Elias’ number, and waited.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Kiran had her eyes closed, her back arching as Elias’ hands slid up her spine. The past couple hours had her in bliss. It was well after midnight, and Elias still had his lips tracing up her neck. Her clothes were on the floor; she had ripped them off, as well as her IV not too long after her and Elias had made up. She couldn’t help it. Maybe Morion was right, maybe she was a whore, but she loved every moment of it. 

Elias’ phone went off again for the second time, snapping Kiran back into reality. She looked over at the bedside table in frustration.

“Leave it,” Elias whispered, biting the tip of her ear.

“No,” Kiran said, gently pushing herself onto her elbows. 

Elias raised up onto his knees, running his fingers through his hair, the sweat slicking it back. “Who is it?”

Kiran reached over and snatched the phone off the table, looking at it. She didn’t respond, just tapped the answer key.

“Hello?” Kiran said flatly. 

“K...Kiran?” Saturn said on the other line.

Kiran laid back down on the bed, reaching up and running her fingers along Elias’ chest. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me anymore, okay?” She said to Saturn.

“Kiran I’m sorry,” Saturn said, and Kiran could tell Saturn was trying not to cry. 

“Not your fault, it’s okay. Are you home?” Kiran asked, smiling at Elias as he slid his fingers over hers and down her hand, to her wrist.

“I left my apartment. Tomorrow I’m going to be moved out for sure. I’m at Dorian’s, so yeah. I’m home.”

“Okay, cool,” Kiran said, distracted by Elias’s lips gently touching her chest. 

“Um,” Kiran continued, “Have you heard from Travlok? We need to have a meeting and go over our next set list.”

“Are you serious? You’re in the hospital and you’re thinking about the set list?” Saturn said sternly.

“That’s not the only thing I’m thinking about,” Kiran replied, biting her lip.

Elias smirked at her.

“Oh…. Oh, is Elias there?” Saturn asked. She was smirking too.

“Yeah, he’s uh.. Right here. Do you need to talk to him?” Kiran replied, embarrassed.

“Nope, no I’m good. I’ll let you go. Good talking to you, bye!” Saturn blurted out the words and then hung up. 

Kiran tossed the phone back onto the table and looked up at Elias before meeting his lips with hers.

She let her eyes close. It was going to be a long, long night.


	6. 4

“So, are we going to cancel? It's in two weeks," Suri was saying, taking a bite of her spaghetti.

She had been called over to Boss’ house to discuss the state of the band, and whether or not they should continue on.

“I think that’s the best option,” Travlok was saying, poking at a meatball with his fork.

“Well I don’t,” Suri said, placing her fork down. “Obviously there’s some other things going on in the background, but this band is their main priority. Give them two weeks. They don’t need to practice every day. I say two good sessions and the walkthrough of the venue is enough for them to get ready. I know Kiran would kill you if you make them quit.”

“She’s already killed herself,” Travlok said flatly. “Or did you skip over the part where I told you she flat-lined?”

“It’s not that I’m not taking this seriously, because I completely understand the seriousness of the situation. I’m just telling you not to punish them. They’ve already punished themselves, they don’t need your help. Two weeks. It’s two weeks away, it’s enough time. I promise.”

“And what are you going to do if this happens again? Are you going to continue on?” 

Suri bit into the meatball she had been playing with. “How about this. If this happens again, I’m gonna quit my job.”

“This happens again and someone dies, you’re just going to quit your job? What else?” 

Suri frowned, “Look, their lives are important but do you expect me to kill myself if one of them dies? I’m not as close with them as you are. 

Travlok snorted. “That’s not what I was saying. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll give them their two weeks.” He pushed a paper towards Suri. “Look over this setlist. Let me know if there needs to be any changes done. I’m going to let you call Kiran this time to go over it. Let her do whatever she wants to do.”

Suri glanced up at Travlok, “You want  _ me _ to call her? Why.” A soft meow came from beside Suri’s chair, moving over to where Travlok was sitting.

“Because I don’t feel like it.” He scooped up Anvil and put him in his lap, petting his head. “I’ve got other things I need to do.”

“Have you even checked on her?” Suri said, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. “Aren’t you like supposed to be their parent figure or something? It’s been a week.”

Travlok frowned, “I went to the hospital, I tried to see her, she didn’t want to see anyone. I did my duty as parent.”

“You haven’t called.”

Travlok glanced at the phone. “No, I haven’t.”

“Why? Are you scared?”

“Maybe. But I’m still not going to call right now. You can talk to her first. Tell me how she’s doing.”

Travlok set Anvil back down on the floor and picked up his dinner plate, taking it into his office and shutting the door.

“Well, I guess that’s it,” Suri said, and swirled more noodles onto her fork.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dorian knocked on Saturn’s door again. “Breakfast,” He said, waiting to hear a response. When he didn’t get one again, he sighed and turned back to the hall. 

He stretched his arms over his head and went back into the kitchen, tending back to the sausage and eggs he had going on the stove top. His stomach growled, and he decided it would be better if he  _ didn’t _ wait for Saturn this time.

He was almost done when Saturn’s door opened. She stepped down the hall and into the living room, yawning quietly when she got there.

“Morning,” She said. She  _ looked _ tired.

Since she decided to quit for real, it’s been hard on her. Vomiting, shaking, headaches, sleepiness, irritability, paranoia, among other things as she fought her withdrawal. He knew she wanted more. He also knew that this time, she wouldn’t. 

“Hey sleepyhead,” Dorian said, gesturing to the kitchen. “Breakfast awaits.”

“I’m not that hungry,” Saturn said, resting her hands on the back of the couch.

“Well, grab something anyway. You can just throw away whatever you don’t end up eating. 

Saturn sighed and made her way into the kitchen. Dorian watched as she went over to the stove and made herself a plate. She glanced back at him, and he raised an eyebrow before she turned back to the stove. 

“Why did you wake me up at 5am,” Saturn said, turning towards Dorian and walking back into the living room.

“I didn’t,” Dorian said, turning to the TV. He pointed over to the digital clock he had, reading 5:15 PM.

Saturn blinked. “It’s… Night time?” She asked, sitting down and looking at her plate. “Why… Are you making breakfast for dinner?”

“Because it’s not dinner to you since you just woke up.” He replied simply, poking his fork through the sausage link on his plate and biting into it. “I was gonna make french toast, then realized we were out of bread. Then I was going to make buttered toast with jam, and remembered again that we were out of bread.” Dorian sighed. 

Saturn smiled, letting out a soft giggle. “Dummy,” She said, moving from her seat across the living room and sitting beside Dorian on the couch. “Have you heard from anyone today?” She asked, and Dorian shook his head. “Anyone? No one?” She said again, and he shook his head again.

“Nobody,” Dorian replied, grabbing the TV remote and tossing it to Saturn. “Not yet. Someone will call soon, don’t worry.” He glanced down at where he kept Saturn’s phone.

Since her withdrawals started getting bad, he’s had to keep her phone with him to keep her from obsessing and getting freaked out. The paranoia always followed when she was waiting for a call from Kiran. Or she’d try calling her. It got even worse when no one would answer. So for safe keeping, he kept it with him. 

“Do you think they’re okay? Do you think she’s doing it again?” Saturn said, scooping eggs into her mouth. “I think we should let her come over here, you know?”

Dorian shook his head, “Everyone is fine, I promise. All you gotta worry about is those eggs on your plate and whether or not I’m going to eat them before you do.”

Saturn had a confused look on her face. Dorian slowly started to lean over towards her, reaching his fork over to where the rest of her eggs were sitting on her plate.

“No!” Saturn shouted and jumped back up, sitting down in the chair she was in before. “There are mine!” She laughed. 

“Okay, then hurry up. I was going to take us to a movie but you’re eating so slow,” Dorian said, watching Saturn try to stuff the rest of her food in her mouth.”

“ImDhone,” She tried saying through her stuffed mouth.

Dorian rolled his eyes and stood up. “Get dressed then and we can go.”

\-----------------------------------------------

“Hello?” Kiran said, putting her phone up to her ear. She had rushed to silence the ringing, not wanting to disturb any resting souls in the graveyard. 

She looked over at Elias, reaching for the fake bouquet of flowers he had, and setting them nicely into the flower holder that read  _ Morina D’Chela.  _

“Kiran, hey,” It was Suri on the other line. When Kiran was silent, she kept going. “Hey, so um. I need to go over the set list with you.”

“This really isn’t a good time,” Kiran said, looking up at where a few other souls have joined her. Even as spirits they prayed over the tombstone Kiran was remembering. 

“Oh, I’m really sorry,” Suri said, genuinely apologizing. “Boss told me to call you, is there another time that’s good for you?” 

Kiran smiled. She really was trying hard.

“Can you make it fast? I really have a long schedule tonight.”

“Yes! I’m going to go over the set list with you and let me know if you need to make changes.”

It didn’t take her very long at all. She said the order Travlok put them in, Kiran made a couple adjustments, they decided practice dates, and the Suri was gone in a matter of minutes. 

Elias crouched beside Kiran, “Everything good?” He asked, looking over to where Kiran was watching. Even though he couldn’t see anything, he knew she was looking at something.

“Yeah, everything is fine. We need to continue on.” Kiran replied, pushing herself up off of the ground and brushing the dirt off of her pants. 

“How often do you do this?” Elias asked, standing up as well.

“I try every other week as least. The once I replace flowers for about maybe once a month. Those are spirits that have already moved on from this place.” She said simply. When they got to the car, she pressed both hands above the passenger side window and stretched, letting Kiara slide in front of her. It was weird if someone saw you hugging the air, so Kiran let them hug her in more...secret ways.

_ You’re such a good person _ , Kiara said, squeezing her tight. It was as if she was still here.

“Not really,” Kiran said aloud, and Elias glanced over. 

“Not really what?” He said, unlocking the car door.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Kiran replied, shooing Kiara away as she slid into the front seat.

She dug into her front pocket and pulled a list out, crossing it off. “There are a few places we need to go.” She said, pointing to one address on the paper. “Take me here.”

“Where is this?” Elias said, looking at his watch. “It’s 9pm.” 

“This is a house I need to go to, so just take me there.”

Elias had much more to say about it, but he kept his mouth shut. 

  
  


When they arrived at the address, Kiran didn’t wait for Elias to turn off the car before she got out. “Just stay here,” She said.

“Um no, I’m coming with you,” Elias replied, parking the car and turning it off. “Why don’t you want me to come.”

“Because I don’t know these people, and one stranger is less scary than two.”

“If you don’t know these people, then I’m definitely coming with you,” He said, not questioning the idea of why she’s here to begin with.

  
  


Kiran stepped up to the doorstep, looking over at the spirit beside her. A beautiful woman with long hair, tan skin, blue eyes. She wore red lipstick and eyeliner, and a blue dress. She looked as if she had prepared for this night, though Kiran knew that wasn’t the case. A shame she had to be killed while looking so lovely. She pressed the doorbell.

It was a few moments before the door opened, a woman peeking through the crack. “Can I help you?” She glanced at Elias nervously. 

“Ma’am I’m really sorry for arriving this late, we aren’t solicitors and I tried to get this man to stay in the car, if he makes you nervous he can go back there. My name is Kiran Alderion, and I was asked to come here to speak with you.”

The woman opened her mouth to speak but Kiran held up her hand. “If I told you who, you would shut the door in my face, and I’d rather if you just let me pass on the message so I can go home. I don’t even have to come inside.”

The woman seemed irritated but curious, as they usually did. “Okay, go ahead then.”

“I have a beautiful woman right here,” she gestured to the air next to her. “You can’t see her, but her name is Lillia Kingsly. She’s told me how you broke your arm falling off the monkey bars in first grade, how you were in love with a boy named Nathan Deller, and that you used to sing karaoke every night on your Minnie Mouse TV before bedtime.”

The woman paused, looking absolutely confused, and irritated. “Look, I don’t know who sent you here, but I don’t have time for this,” she said, starting to close the door.

“I’m not joking around with you, Merideth Reiley,” Kiran said, crossing her arms as she spoke the woman’s first and middle names. “Look, your mom wants to talk to you and I’m the only person that is willing to share the message.”

The lady paused when Kiran said her name. “How do you know my first name? I haven’t gone my Merideth in years.”

“Let me guess, you know by Marry. Which is stupid because your first name is prettier.” Kiran rolled her eyes. “I’ve already told you why I’m here, I’m not explaining to you anything else unless you talk to your damn mom.” Kiran was getting irritated too. “It’s late and I have other houses I need to visit so these spirits stop bothering me.”

Lilla laughed softly and placed her hand on Kiran’s shoulder. Perhaps she had been a bit of a pest to the poor girl, but standing here now, it was all worth it.

Meridith waited a moment before opening the door further. “Come in,” She said, gesturing towards the living room. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“It’s okay, like I said I really need to go. So I’m just going to start.” Kiran cleared her throat, looking over at Lillia, who took a seat next to her. “Also please don’t take over my body, I’m not in the mood for it.”

Meridith gave Kiran a strange look but didn’t say anything.

“First of all she says she misses you. She hasn’t been able to move on because she misses you so much. She’s watched you grow, fall in love, get heart broken, learn to love again, get married, and have her three beautiful grandchildren. She says Michah is her favorite because he’s the most crazy out of the three, always doing crazy things and getting in trouble, but she says he is also the most humble. She says he watches him because of the danger he puts himself in, and says he’s having a hard time at school. He doesn’t tell you, but people pick on him and have bullied him for a few years.” Kiran took in a deep breath, “Slow down Lillia. I can only talk so fast.”

Meridith looked very concerned, but didn’t say anything.

“Karla’s idea to become a lifeguard really makes Lillia smile, she said that the baby has always been a swimmer. She wishes she could give her the idea to go pursue something out in the ocean, like marine biology. And the youngest, Jayla, is very smart. She says you should teach her how to play the piano, that she would catch on immediately.”

Meridith had her head resting on her knee. Kiran could see the tears in her eyes already.

“She said she misses you a lot and has enjoyed seeing you do so well throughout the years. She has always been by your side, and she hears you every night. But now that she isn’t worried about you anymore, she says it’s time for her to go.” Kiran looked at Meridith. “She says it’s okay, you can let go now.” Kiran paused. “And also that she’s sorry she had to leave you so early in your life.” Kiran paused again, “And also that you need to keep those white and blue flowers on her grave because she likes those best.”

Meridith had started crying. Lillia stood from the couch and went over to comfort her daughter. She had died so young, she looked about the same age as Meridith now. “That’s all,” Kiran said softly. “I’m sorry.”

She watched as Lillia hugged Meridith, soothing her tears. She wondered if Meridith could feel her there. 

“Thank you,” she said finally, looking up at Kiran. “Thank you. I’m grateful that you came. If there’s anything I can do-” 

Kiran held up her hand. “Don’t worry about it. It’s okay.”

  
  
“No, I insist,” Meridith said, grabbing a post-it and writing her phone number down. “Anything, please call me.”

Kiran took the post-it and looked at it, surprised when Meridith came over to give her a hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I have to go now,” Kiran said, standing up. “Thank you for letting me in.”  She looked over to where Lillia stood and was smiling at her. She mouthed the words  _ Thank you,  _ giving Kiran a small bow before wisping away like fog in the wind. She was gone.

Kiran half smiled, heading towards the front door. “Don’t confront your son,” she said, resting her hand on the door. “He’ll be embarrassed. You’re probably a better mom than my parents. Just… Talk to him, but don’t blame him for anything. Talk to him like he’s your best friend, not your son.” She opened the door. “Take care.”

Back at the car, Kiran crossed a name off her list. She turned to look in the backseat where three other spirits sat. “Okay, one down,” she said, looking over at Elias. “Three to go.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

At the theater, the movie played. It was good in the beginning, but Saturn got distracted easily. She had been watching Dorian for a while, not being able to concentrate much on the movie at all. Maybe it was the light, but be looked a lot more handsome. More so than usual.

Their relationship wasn’t enough for Saturn anymore. She never truly thought about it until now, how he had been taking care of her all this time. Always worrying, always asking if she’s okay. Always letting her stay over. Always taking her drugs away. She hadn’t always been grateful for him. She’d taken advantage of him, of his company, of his kindness. And yet, all this time, he’d been by her side. Always there to catch her when she fell.

Dorian glanced over at her, and she tried to play it off as if she hadn’t been staring at him this whole time. He knew, he always knew, and he put his arm behind her shoulders. He pulled her close. 

She thought about the rest of the band, and even though she had always considered Kiran her best friend, thinking it over made her reconsider. But then again, she had abandoned Kiran too. So, she took her reconsideration back.

She hadn’t realized how long the film had been going on. Soon enough, the credits rolled. 

“Dorian,” Saturn said when the lights came on, having a sly smile on her lips. “Was the movie good?”

“Were you not watching it?” Dorian asked, faking surprise.

“Not really, I was too busy looking at your big bald head,” She said with a laugh.

“Was it too shiny for you?” He replied, rolling his eyes. 

“Dorian,” Saturn said again, letting out a long breath. “I want to ask you something.”

Dorian turned in his seat so that he was towards Saturn. “Yeah, anything.”

“What… Are we? What can we be?” Saturn asked, holding her hands together.

“What are we?” Dorian repeated, resting his hand on his chin. “We can be whatever you want us to be, I suppose. We’ve been long time friends, I don’t see a problem with us being anything else.”

Saturn’s heart fluttered. “You mean it? No take backs!” She leaned back in the chair. “Okay then, it’s settled.”

“Okay then,” Dorian said with a nod. “I’ll have to bring you back here next week so you can actually watch the movie, then. I mean you picked it out.”

Saturn rolled her eyes and stood up. “C’mon,” she said, checking her phone to see if there were any messages from Kiran. None, as figured, so she dropped her phone into her bag and headed down the theater steps and into the lobby.

“You’re walking so fast,” Dorian said, jogging to catch up with her. “Did something happen?” He asked in a concerned tone.

“Something did happen, but I’ll have to tell you in the car,” She said, smirking.

  
  


When they got to the car, Saturn stepped up to Dorian before he could open the door. She stepped up onto her tip toes and leaned into him, gently pressing her lips against his for just a moment before she pulled away. “Sorry, I just couldn’t help it,” she said softly. “There is something that I wanted to tell you,” she said, turning to move to the passenger side, but getting pulled back as Dorian held onto her wrist.

“You can tell me here,” he said, holding her hand up and twirling her around in a circle, pulling her closer. “I have something to tell you too.”

“I’m going to go with Kiran to therapy,” she said, looking down at the pavement. “And I know I didn’t want to before, but I’m looking into going into a rehab center. Kiran needs to go too, I think maybe we can go together,” She said, finally looking up at him. 

Dorian smiled, “I think that’s an amazing idea,” he said, genuinely happy. “I’m glad you finally made that decision.”

He pulled Saturn into a hug, kissing the top of her head before resting his cheek on it. He hugged her tightly. Maybe the bad days would be over. Maybe he wouldn’t have to worry anymore, or be scared for her life. Maybe he could finally just relax and have her by his side and just be...happy. 

“What were you going to tell me,” Saturn said finally, speaking against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat.

Dorian pushed Saturn back, holding her by her shoulders and looking down at her. “I just wanted to tell you that you’ve been making progress, a lot of progress. You’ve been having a hard time, but going through it all on your own so far, and I just want to say that I am so, so proud of you. I really am. I mean it, too. I am  _ so _ proud of you.”

Saturn smiled up at him, her heart pounding in her chest. “Well…”

Before she could say anything else, he leaned down and pulled her into a kiss.


	7. 3

Two days a week Saturn came to Kiran’s house, picked her up early, and took her to therapy. They’d sit in the waiting room for at least 30 minutes before she’d get pulled back to talk to her psychiatrist. It wasn’t a fun conversation, Kiran hated every minute of it. It felt as if someone was prying into her life, but for some reason she felt like she could share her deep secrets with the lady, even though she didn’t want to. She couldn’t say the visits helped, but maybe they did ease her of all the tension she had. Unfortunately for the psychiatrist, Kiran couldn’t stop being who she was. Since the incident, something was ticking down in the back of her mind. She was doing her best to hide it, but whatever it was, it was strong. She was out of it, for sure. 

Whenever Kiran would come home, her and Elias would appeal to the Spirit’s whims. She hadn’t been the good Medium for a while, and now it was as if she were catching up on a lot of late work. They replaced flowers and traveled all over to people’s homes. She wanted them to be happy, but more importantly she wanted them out of her house. She had gotten used to the voices, the touches, the looks, but she wondered what it would be like to just be alone without anyone around. In silence.

In the middle of the first week, practice came. The group met up at The Garage, but it wasn’t the same as usual. Everyone seemed uneasy. When everyone was ready, Kiran stepped up to her mic stand and spun it around on the base edges. 

“What the hell is the matter with everyone,” Kiran said into the mic, casting glances at the members. “You guys zombies? We’re at practice, let’s do this shit, or do you guys not enjoy it anymore?” 

“We’re just worried about you,” Saturn said, leaning against the wall. “You literally died a week ago.”

“Yeah, well I’m not dead,” Kiran said, twirling the mic stand around the other way. She wasn’t, but she felt like she was. 

“Okay girl,” Saturn said, stepping up to Kiran. “Let’s do this.”

And the music rolled. 

  
  


The days working up to the concert seemed tougher than any other time. They decided as a group to take a break after this performance, it was just getting harder and harder. Kiran wanted more, she guessed the greater beings of the world heard her and gave her exactly what she wanted. But after The Colosseum, she wasn’t sure anymore. None of them were sure. They wanted to go back.

It was nice being known, that’s for sure. Their music traveled, people from other states were going to come see them. That wasn’t something they had before, and it was really nice. But maybe they needed to slow down.

Saturn had looked into a rehab center for both her and Kiran. Kiran refused to go, so she decided it would be a slow work in for her. However, Saturn had gone to check it out twice that second week. She hadn’t realized how hard it would be on her own. She did well hiding how she was from the others, but when she was by herself, everything went to hell. She’d tried getting more cocaine four times the past two weeks, and had to force herself not to. Probably one of the hardest decisions of her life. Her tremors were still there, her body ached. She wondered if she’d ever feel normal again.

Elias spent his nights with Kiran, watching over her as she screamed in her sleep. He was sure she had PTSD, though she’d never show it while she was awake. But at night, it was there. She was terrified, something in her dreams always tormenting her. He stayed up most of the night, every night, just in case she woke up and tried to run away. She never did, but the day she got away from him would be the day he decided to rest. He was tired, but he carried on for her, and for the band. He’d take naps in the breakroom. It wasn’t enough, but it had to be.

Dorian always had his eyes on Saturn. He decided to be more lenient with her, letting her go off and do what she wanted, not always staying by her side. She was an adult, after all. And he trusted her. But it killed him to let her go. Every day at home he’d worry, though he kept telling himself he wouldn’t have to. He always was waiting for that phone call to come at 4am, even though it stopped happening. Nothing would put his mind at ease. 

Kiran knew she wasn’t right in the head. She was ready to quit. She was ready for this to be over. She wanted that high, and she wanted it bad. Like Saturn, her withdrawals were nothing to ignore. Even know, her mic stand shook in her hands. She locked herself in her room every day, at least two hours where Elias couldn’t see her. She’d shake, pace, vomit, and think of things from the past. She’d think she see him there in her room, ready to grab her by her neck. Sometimes she’d feel it happening. She just wanted everything to stop.

  
  


When the day came, everyone treated it like their last. Kiran pulled on her buckled down boots over these ripped stockings she had, made her eyes smokey black, and grabbed a trench coat from her closet. She was going all in. Saturn had her see-through top and a bra that looked like a bat, her devil horns, tail, and fishnet stockings under a pair or leather shorts. Dorian went shirtless for the first time, and Elias made good use of Kiran’s black eyeshadow. They weren’t ready, but it was already time. 

When the announcer said their name, they could hear the crowd cheer. They were screaming. It was  _ loud _ . They could only guess how many people were there. The venue wasn’t as big as The Colosseum, probably about half that size. They wondered how many people couldn’t get tickets to this concert.

Taking the stage, they could see all the silhouettes. The people crammed into the room. The people outside the venue by the door. Suri had set up speakers outside so that they could hear it too. They were gonna let everyone hear their music one last time. 

“Are you okay?” Suri spoke in Kiran’s ear, watching her from the side stage where she had her equipment set up. 

“Mic’s good,” Kiran replied, tapping it with her finger and pulling the cord over to the side.

“Not that, are  _ you _ okay? You seem tense.”

Kiran looked over to where Suri was standing. “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks,” she replied, letting out a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

Kiran raised her hand and let her eyes close, and then the music started. Just a few chords in, and already the crowd was engaged, shouting the first part of the song.

“ _ GO!” _

Kiran smiled, gripping the mic in her hands. She was going to miss this part of performances.

_ “You could think that I’m a freak _

_ When I’m talking to myself _

_ But it’s like I was too weak to be someone else” _

_   
_ _ “You can think that I’m a creep _

_ When I’m singing all along _

_ But it’s like I couldn’t see straight _

_ On my own” _

Saturn stepped up behind Kiran, gently touching her back for a moment before picking up the background vocals.

“ _ When I fall, it starts again _

_ When I feel like I’m just dead _

_ When I go, it comes again _

_ And now I see-” _

The crowd raised their hands, bringing the chorus all the way out to the lobby.

_ “It’s in my head _

_ There’s something that saves me all the time _

_ In myself _

_ It appears when I’m breaking down _ ”

“ _ Like a whisper in my head, coming from I don’t know where _

_ Like a whisper in my head, when I’ve got something to share _

_ Like a whisper in my head _ ”

  
  


That night was the first night Kiran actually felt alive in a while. She went through all the songs perfectly without fail, feeling the music through her. She danced, jumped, shook her hair out of it’s slicked back mess. She grabbed Saturn during a guitar solo and made out with her, sending the crowd wild. She did everything she’d never done before, and loved every moment of it. She was sad when it all ended.

They all were.

\--------------------------------------------------

After the performance, they went to a bar, Travlok’s treat. They laughed, more than they had in the past month. 

“And then she said, ‘I think I’m a lesbian,’” Saturn was saying, laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. “And I was like, ‘Then kiss me and find out,’ and then she was like ‘um… no,’” Saturn put her head on the table, crying she was laughing so hard.

“So then like, why did she even bring it up,” Kiran giggled, downing her third White Russian. 

“I have no idea!” Saturn pushed herself back up and waved at the waiter.

“You guys are going to make me broke,” Travlok said, rolling his eyes. He picked up his mug and pleasantly sipped the beer in it. 

Dorian reached over and supported Saturn’s back in case she decided to lean too far back. “So then what happened?” He asked, starting Saturn’s laughter up again.

“Literally nothing, I just walked away,” she replied. When the waiter came over, she ordered two more drinks for everyone. 

“I’ll take mine to go,” Kiran said, leaning on the counter. She was having fun, but she had some things set in the back of her mind, and the alcohol couldn’t keep her distracted anymore. 

“You done already?” Saturn said, leaning over to Kiran and taking her hands. 

Kiran looked at the clock. “It’s been two hours,” she laughed. “I gotta go home.”

Elias slid off the bar stool and helped Kiran down. “We’ll see you guys later,” he said, holding onto Kiran’s hand.

Kiran waited for her drinks and handed one to Elias before following him out of the bar.

  
  
  
  


When he got to her house he went to put the car in park, but Kiran put her hand over the key. “You can’t stay tonight.”

“What are you talking about?” Elias said, worry flashing in his eyes. 

“There’s something I need to do, and I don’t want you here.”

“Then I’ll stay right here,” Elias said, leaning the seat back. 

“Is there any way I can get you to go home?” Kiran said, drinking the drink in her cup. She screwed up her face, expecting another White Russian but getting something totally different. 

“Nope. I’ll be right here in case you decide you need me.” He pulled Kiran down into a kiss before letting her go. “I trust you.”

  
  


Kiran smiled and stepped out of the car, “That’s a bad thing you know, trust,” she said before shutting the door.

When she got inside and flipped the lights on, the spirits were there.

“I need all of you shits to get out,” Kiran said, the alcohol rolling off her lips.

There weren’t as many as before, about three or four now, but Kiran had enough. “I just want Kiara here.”

The spirits watched her for a moment before disappearing.  _ Maybe next time we’ll go free, _ they thought. Kiran sighed.

_ What’s the matter,  _ Kiara spoke softly, walking up to where Kiran was. 

“I have to let you go now,” Kiran said, looking up at Kiara.

_ What are you talking about?  _ Kiara seemed panicked. 

“You heard me. You have to move on.”

Kiara grabbed Kiran’s shoulders.

_ I don’t understand, why are you talking about this? You’ve been drinking, I don’t think you’re thinking.  _ Kiara wrapped her arms around her sister.

“You have to move on,” Kiran repeated, taking her drink and walking through Kiara, up to the bedroom.

Kiara followed, running to get in front of her, in front of her bedroom door.  _ Please don’t do this, I love you too much. _

“Love me from the other side, sis,” Kiran said, reaching through her body and opening her bedroom door.

Long ago, after the car crash, Kiran learned about binding souls. Since she could see the spirits she always was studying them, learning about how to keep them around, learning how to let them go. Kiara had a necklace she always wore, and young Kiran kept it all these years to keep her sister with her, always. She couldn’t let her go before, but now she knew. It was time.

_ Kiran please, _ Kiara begged. She was crying.

“I have to, Kiara. I just… I just want to be alone. I love you so much, you know this. But you can’t stay here forever.” Kiran walked over to her bedside table and opened up a small jewelry box, pulling the necklace out and watching it spin as she held the chain between her fingertips.

Kiara was on the floor next to her, holding onto her.  _ I don’t want to go,  _ she sobbed. 

“Don’t cry, Kiara, I don’t want to be haunted by you.” Kiran said, pushing through Kiara and going back downstairs.

Kiara met her there, curled up with her knees to her chest on Kiran’s couch.  _ Why are you doing this to me. I don’t know where I’m going to go, Kiran. I’m scared. _

Kiran pulled one of the kitchen drawers open and grabbed the hammer in it, looking over her shoulder back at Kiara. 

“You’re going to go somewhere away from this stupid world,” Kiran said, looking down and rubbing the emrald stone with her thumb. “You’ll be safer there. You’ll be happy there.”

_ I’m happy with you, _ Kiran cried, suddenly at Kiran’s side.  _ Please. _

“Sorry, Kiara… I love you.”

Kiran broke the chain and set the necklace down on the counter. Kiara was gripping onto Kiran, pressing dents into her arm and shoulder. She was crying, begging Kiran, but Kiran couldn’t hear her words anymore. She brought the hammer up, pausing for a moment to look at Kiara one more time. She smiled as she smashed the stone into pieces.

Kiara was gone.

\------------------------------------------------------

Saturn was smiling. She was so drunk, and she was loving every second of it. She had her arms around Dorian’s shoulders as they danced, slow, the music a rocking beat that made them sway. Dorian’s head was resting against hers, the perfect spot. She was so happy, she hoped she would remember this when she became sober. 

“Dorian,” She said, peeking up at him.

“Yes?” he replied, peeking down at her as well. 

“Can we go to bed?” Saturn asked, her cheeks salmon red.

“I thought you wanted to dance?” He was smiling now.

“I did, but now I want to go to bed,” Saturn said, burying her head in his chest.

“It’s only been five minutes,” Dorian replied.

“I know… Well I didn’t know that but now I know,” The words rolled off her tongue in a slur.

“Why do you want to go to bed all of a sudden?” Curiosity bounced off his lips.

“Because I want to go to  _ bed _ , with you, Dorian,” She probably would have been embarrassed if she were in her right mind.

“Oh, I see,” He nodded his head in understanding. “I don’t think we can go to  _ bed _ , but we can definitely go to  _ bed _ , Saturn.”

“No no no,” Saturn was flustered, “I want to go to  _ bed  _ with  _ you _ .” 

Dorian shook his head. “You’re drunk, you don’t know what you want. You wanted to dance, now you don’t, how can I believe you want to go to  _ bed _ with  _ me _ ?”

“Because, Dorian, you thick headed drummer, I love you.”

They fell silent, the soft classical music still played although they no longer danced. Saturn’s sober conscious caused her to press her head against his chest again and shut her eyes in embarrassment, while Saturn’s drunk conscious closed her eyes because if she couldn’t see him, he couldn’t see her either.

“I don’t understand what you said, could you say that again?” Dorian asked again, a half smile forming on his lips.

“I said,” Saturn started again, her voice muffled against his bare chest. “I love you. I am in love with you. Do you get it?”

Dorian nodded slowly. “I get it. But you’re also drunk still, so-”

Saturn’s head shot up, bonking him in the chin. They separated, Dorian holding his hand against his jaw and Saturn hugging the top of her head. 

“OW,” they said together.

Saturn started laughing, and though her head still hurt, it still was hilarious.

“Listen,” She said, looking into Dorian’s eyes. “I’m serious, okay? I know I’m drunk but it just helps this situation play out better, yeah? You haven’t said anything either, you know, way to just hurt a girl’s feelings,” she put her hands on her hips and made a pouty face.

Dorian smiled and slid his jacket off, dropping it into the chair behind him. “I haven’t, have I?” He said, stepping up to Saturn, who was definitely looking at his shirtless chest and heating up like a toaster. 

He slid his arms around Saturn’s waist and pulled her close to him, holding her tight against him. He could feel her staggered breathing against his skin. One hand slid up the back of her shirt while the other moved down and below her rear. Suddenly, he lifted her up and her legs instantly wrapped around his waist. He turned and dropped down into the chair that was behind Saturn, holding her in his lap. His fingers traced her warm cheek and moved hair behind her ear. He pulled her in close, his lips against her ear.

“ _ I love you too.” _


	8. 2

“_ Mrrrow,” _Anvil was bored, rubbing on his owner’s legs and pawing at his knees. 

Travlok glanced down and scooped up the cat and held him in his lap. “We can space the gigs out, once a month?”

Suri shook her head, “Kiran said she didn’t want to do it for a while, remember? You can’t force someone to do something, then they end up like… she is right now. Have you seen her lately?”

Travlok looked down at his cat, “She’s going to rehab?”

“No, Saturn is. Kiran won’t go. Why aren’t you keeping up with her all of a sudden? Are you like, afraid of fragile people?”

Travlok raised an eyebrow, “I think Kiran is anything but fragile,” he said, scooping a bite of pancake into his mouth.

“You’re wrong. If you think that you’re blind, and should promote me to manager.” Suri replied, reaching to his keys and pointed to his “manager” keychain, motioning with two fingers for him to hand it over. 

“No way, techie, I’ve been this band’s manager for a long while,” He said, drinking his coffee. “Besides, you said there won’t be a band for a while. So, you can be the manager of my cat,” He picked up Anvil and handed him over the table to Suri, who held him out at full arms reach. 

“I don’t think your cat wants me to be his manager,” Suri said, looking at Anvil, who had a very upset expression on his face.

“Well, that’s too bad, you’re promoted.” Travlok pushed his keys across the table and poked the “manager” keychain with his finger. “You can’t have this one but I’ll get you one,” he said with a short laugh. 

Suri rolled her eyes and set Anvil on the floor, who meowed in response. “You’re so cruel, no wonder the band wants to quit.”

Travlok put his hand over his chest, “That was the worst thing you’ve ever said to me,” He said, putting on a facade. “I’m truly hurt.”

“Sure you are. But seriously. I think that was it, Boss.”

Travlok set his hand down on the table and looked down at his food. He wasn’t ready for there to be an end. Not now, at the rate they were going. But maybe the rate they were going was, in fact, the route to their demise. He let out a deep sigh. “I don’t want it to end.”

“None of us do,” Suri said, pushing her plate to the side and reaching out a hand to pat his arm. “It’s okay though. I’m sure they’ll get back together in the future, with lots of fans to support it.”

“Yeah, we’ll see.”

Travlok picked up his and Suri’s dishes and put them in the sink, looking down at them for a moment. “I guess I should call and check on them all, especially after last night.”

“Yeah, probably,” Suri said, rolling her eyes. “Don’t make me do it for you again.”

“I mean, you are manager now,” Travlok said with a hearty laugh. 

“And you’re still an ass.”

Travlok reached for his phone, checking the time first before unlocking the screen. 

“Okay, fine. You win, Boss.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had fallen asleep on the couch last night after watching a movie. Drunk Saturn slowly turned to Sober Saturn as her eyes fluttered open. She let out a yawn, stretching her arms over her head in a big stretch. She was on top of Dorian, panic swarming in her brain until she realized she was still in her pajamas. She let out a relieved sigh, although she always knew in the back of her mind that he would never take advantage of her, even if she wanted to. Thinking back on last night, she genuinely had a good time. 

They danced, they kissed, they played games, they watched movies, ate popcorn, drank lots of water, and never went to bed. Overall, she had a ten-out-of-ten night.

She sat up on the couch and looked around, not seeing any dirty dishes anywhere. He was always cleaning up right away, she never got the chance to help pick up anything. She leaned forward and reached for the remote resting on the coffee table, glancing over at Dorian still sleeping, for once. He always woke up early and made breakfast. This time, she thought, she would be the one making breakfast.

She stood up, leaving the remote where it was on the table and practically skipping into the kitchen. She flipped the lights, heading to the pantry and opening it up, not seeing anything that she knew she could cook with, so she went to the fridge instead. She knew how to make eggs, so she pulled them out and got started on some eggs. Then she checked the freezer for anything useful there and found some dinner rolls, but she figured that they would be just as good with some eggs, so she pulled them out too. She pulled out the orange juice, the sausage patties when she realized they were under the dinner rolls, and also some blueberries. Breakfast was going to be awesome.

It was, until she burnt the sausage and smoked up the house so bad that the smoke alarm went off.

Dorian was up in an instant, throwing the blanket off of him and standing upright in the living room. “Saturn?” he called, opening the front door and fanning the air out with his arm.

“Yeah…?” Saturn called back, trying to at least save the eggs after she almost spilled orange juice all over them.

“What are you doing?” Dorian called back, now swinging the door back and forth and fanning the smoke that way.

“Making breakfast,” Saturn called back, swinging around and smacking the orange juice bottle with her elbow, bringing it down onto the kitchen floor. “God damnit!!” She shouted.

“I can see that,” Dorian called. He left the front door open and went into the kitchen, absolutely shocked at what he was looking at. 

Orange juice on the floor, smoke in the air, black sausage on the counter, eggs everywhere, and then the oven beeped.

“Hey, I think the rolls are done,” Saturn said, nearly slipping on the orange juice as she moved over to the oven and slid on an oven mitt. She reached into the oven and pulled the rolls out, looking like absolute perfection.

“Tah-dah!” She said with a grin. “Breakfast!”

Dorian blinked, “Beautiful,” he said, gesturing to the counter for her to put the rolls on. “If you don’t mind, I need to clean up all this stuff so we can eat more than just rolls for breakfast,” He said, glancing at Saturn as she made a pouty face. “Please?” He shooed her with his hands, and finally she turned and went back into the living room.

Unfortunately for Dorian, she came back with all the towels in the closet. “I’m gonna help clean,” she said, throwing half of the stack down on the floor all over the orange juice.

Dorian stared at the towels and shook his head, “Okay,” he said, smearing the orange juice around with all the towels until it came up off the floor. 

  


When everything was said and done, breakfast was made. The two sat in the living room, talking about the cartoon they were watching, when Saturn’s phone went off. 

“Erlo?” Saturn said with a mouthful.

“Hey bud, it’s Travlok, I’m just checking to see how you are,” Travlok’s husky voice spoke on the other side of the line. “Are you busy?”

“No just eating breakfast,” Saturn replied, “What’s up? Also I’m doing pretty good, thanks for checking.

“Good to know kiddo, have you heard anything from the other gal?” He asked, and Saturn’s heart clenched up in her chest. 

“No…” She said, glancing over at Dorian. “Why? What’s happening?”

“Nothing that I know of, I’ve tried calling but keep getting sent to voicemail, she won’t answer me so I was wondering if you had talked to her.”

“I… I haven’t,” she set her plate down. “Maybe I’ll try giving her a call for you? I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, kiddo. See you later,” Travlok said, hanging up the phone.

Saturn stared at her phone for a moment. 

“Don’t,” Dorian said, reaching over and touching Saturn’s shoulder. “If it’s Kiran, just let her be, she just wants to be alone. I think it’s best that way, she’s had a lot going on. We all have, I think she doesn’t take it as well as the rest of us do.”

Saturn nodded slowly, setting her phone down. She was worried, sure, but she knew Dorian knew best. He was the wisest of all of them. “Okay, you win! Except at this game, cause I’m going to,” she said, pointing to the console on the entertainment center. 

"Start it up!”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kiran woke up to her phone buzzing. She declined it, and tried going back to sleep, though her phone woke her up each time. She declined the next two, and luckily it stopped after that. Her cheeks were stained from last night’s tears and smeared eyeliner. She pulled herself out of bed and put on a change of clothes. _ This is it, _ she thought, slicking her hair back just as she had done at the concert. She pulled the heavy coat on and one glove, leaving her other hand bare as she reached for her phone.

She scrolled through her contacts and landed on one name she hadn’t dialed in a while. “Morion”. She waited a moment and then rolled past it to another one. “Nix”. She hit call and raised the phone to her ear.

“Kiran?” The girl’s voice sounded after the second ring. “What the hell is going on? I haven’t heard from you in a long time!”

“Hey girl,” Kiran said, a smug look on her face. “Can you tell me where Morion is? I haven’t heard from him in a while,” she said, trying her best to sound sad.

“Oh my gosh! Yes, he got put in the hospital cause his face was really messed up but they let him go a couple days ago. He should be home. What’s going on? Are you two doing okay?”

Kiran felt sick. “Yeah, we’re fine, I just… am worried about him.”

“Yeah, he should be home! Go check on him and get back with me,” She heard Nix inhale deeply. Probably smoking something delicious. 

“Will do…” Kiran went to end the call but heard Nix speak again.

“And Kiran, we need to see you more. You’re one of us, you know?”

_ One of us, _ Kiran frowned. “Yeah sure, sometime soon. Gotta go, see you,” Kiran said, handing up. She dropped her phone on the dresser and pulled the second glove over her hand. She pulled the top dresser drawer open and looked down into it, a rabbit’s face looking back at her. She pulled the mask from the drawer and held it in front of her, staring into its soulless eyes before she headed down the stairs. 

Elias was still in the driveway. Of course he was, he would never leave her alone in the house. He had stayed up as long as he could before his body gave up on him. He was dreaming deeply, picturing the band together and happy. Everyone just enjoying themselves. Everyone well. Playing songs that make you feel good, not remind you of the past or of your mistakes. He woke to the sound of tapping on his window. He blinked his eyes open, holding one hand over them as he looked out to see Kiran’s face staring down at him. He sat up and opened the door.

“Where you goin?” He asked, looking over Kiran’s attire. He glanced at the mask in her hand. “You still have that?”

Kiran smiled, “Yeah, I was feeling nostalgic,” she said, putting the mask on and making two peace signs with her fingers. “Remember when we all wore these? I thought it was a fitting piece for my outfit.”

“It works very well,” Elias said, pushing the mask up to rest on top of Kiran’s head. He ran his thumb across her cheeks, wiping the eyeliner she hadn’t bothered to wash off.

“You goin’ somewhere?”

Kiran tilted her head. “Actually, I want you to take me on a date,” She said with a smile that made Elias’ heart melt.

“Dressed like that? Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Elias said, cupping Kiran’s face in his hands. “Anywhere you want to go,” He said, letting out a yawn. “Just tell me where and I’ll take you.”

  
  


They went to the fair. Kiran had seen advertisements for it on her way to therapy and decided it was a place she wanted to go. She learned that Elias was very good at the dart game and she got two prizes from it. They went on the ferris wheel, and she let him kiss her when they got to the top. They rode rides, ate cotton candy, had expensive hot dogs, went to the petting zoo, and all again a second time. They were there until dark. 

“I had such a good time,” Kiran said, stepping up on her toes and giving Elias a long kiss.

“I’m glad,” Elias replied, handing Kiran’s slushy back to her.

“I need you to take me somewhere else now,” Kiran said, her expression fading into a serious one. “I need you to take me to Morion’s house.”

“_ Excuse me, _” Elias said, stopping. “What the hell did you say?”

“I need you to take me to Morion’s house. For several reasons. I’m going to end it with him and cut him off.” Kiran said, frowning. “I need you to trust me.”

Elias’s heart hurt every time she said to trust her. “Why do you throw this on me after this,” he said, looking down at all the stuff they got from the fair, all crammed into this bag they also got from the fair.

“Because I wanted you to be happy before I asked you to do this.” Kiran said, resting her hand on Elias’ cheek. “Please, take me there. I need to do this.”

Elias let out a deep sigh. They walked back to the car in silence and loaded up the back with all the prizes and left over food before getting into the front. He turned on the radio, all the thoughts racing through his mind as he thought of reasons why Kiran would want to go back to that god forsaken place. But whatever it was, it must have been important.

He pulled up to the house but not into the driveway, as were Kiran’s orders. 

“I’ll be right back, I just have to do this to ease my mind. My therapist told me to do this.” Kiran said, and she wasn’t lying. She shut the door.

_ Let go, _ was the first step. All the spirits were gone. _ Face your fear, _ was step two.

She stepped up to the doorway and pulled her keys out of her pocket, finding the spare that Morion gave her and putting it into the lock. Lucky for her, all the lights were off. She pulled her mask down and stepped inside.

She shut the door behind her, letting her eyes adjust before she scanned the area. No sign of him anywhere. Good, she thought. She headed into his kitchen and opened a couple drawers, looking for anything useful. She thought about grabbing a knife just in case, but went against it. Not finding anything of use to her, she went up the stairs, slowly stepping up each one, silently. She moved down the hallway and towards where his bedroom was. 

She cracked the door open and heard him before she saw him. Probably because of his face, he was snoring. She slid into the room and shut the door. She crept around the bed, gently taking a pillow from that side and then moving back over to where he was.

“You’re a fool to hurt me,” Kiran whispered, kneeling down next to him. “You’re a fool.”

Before he had time to wake fully, her arm was against his neck, and the pillow was over his face.

He was suffocating.


	9. 1

Suri had gone back to The Colosseum. She really enjoyed being there. The way the music echoed and bounced back to her, the largeness of the place. There was so much space, it made her feel incredibly small. She went for the practice, running through all the bands songs again and again as if there were some chance they would perform again suddenly. She had written some music of her own, and she couldn’t wait until she got the chance to ask Kiran if they could play them.

The second reason she went back to that venue wasn’t just because of it’s beauty and features. It was also because of Joseph. The “gentleman-in-the-venue”, as Travlok called him, had been her main squeeze. She wouldn’t admit it, but she honestly liked Joseph. He was a kind guy, and incredibly helpful. She had never met someone else as excited about the tech in the sound booth as she was, and he knew a lot about it too. Every time she went there, they always got caught up in talking about the equipment, their conversation always trailing, and going on and on, and she enjoyed every second of it. The Colosseum was where she belonged.

“What do you think,” Suri said to Joseph, reaching an arm out and pointing to the light pattern on the stage. “I’m thinking for the chorus of this song using this to put emphasis on the lyrics.

“Wow, that looks awesome. It really does add to the emotion,” Joseph replied, nodding his head in approval. 

They had been listening to the band’s songs on repeat for the past two hours, messing with the lights and sound. Anyone could say she was  _ definitely _ prepared for the next performance. 

“I think for track 5 you should change the color scheme,” Joseph said, pointing to the list of notes. 

“How come? I thought the purple was a good choice,” Suri replied, glancing back at Joseph.

“No, I know we picked purple before, but hearing the song again and again, hearing the strain in the singer’s voice, I think a red-orange overtone fits better.” Joseph leaned over and pushed the forward button, switching the song.

They listened to the music in silence. Joseph had his eyes closed, nodding to the music in time with the beat. Hearing it so many times, he even learned the words to the song, mouthing them in a quiet whisper as the track played.

“Why don’t you take up a techie position,” Suri said suddenly, her eyes watching him. He always flowed with music, and she could tell he enjoyed it. “I mean…” She swallowed, “you could always work with me.”

Joseph opened his eyes, smiling at Suri. “I think that would be a cool idea,” he said, rubbing his chin. “I never had the confidence though to run the sound booth. That’s why I have this job, so I can watch the musicians without worrying about messing up their performance.”

“You could just be my apprentice,” Suri said with a grand smile. “You know what you’re doing. You like doing it, don’t lie, I know you’re enjoying every minute of this,” she said, turning fully to face him.

“Yeah, because I’m doing it with you,” Joseph said, his face turning red. Suri didn’t think he meant to say that out loud.

Suri was silent for a moment, her smile never fading. She turned back to the board and moved one of the controls up just a notch. “I agree with you,” she said softly. “That red-orange fits the song well.”

She could hear him letting out a held-in breath. She laughed softly. They both did.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Travlok rested in his armchair, Anvil in his lap. He had Suri’s “Manager” keychain twirling around in his fingers as he watched the news. He looked down on it, a light smile on his face. The girl never got the credit she deserved. After all, she had run the band more than he had once she came along. He figured since she was so organized, he had let himself slack. He hadn’t even bother to call Kiran again. He wondered if Suri had. 

“Young man found dead in his home, overdosed,” He heard on the TV, glancing up at it and seeing a familiar body. School pictures and pictures pulled from social media were up on the screen. Morion. A young woman was talking to the news lady, her being the one that found him, tears staining her cheeks. Travlok recognized this person as someone Kiran used to hang out with. Her name was something strange… Nix, he thought. 

Travlok sat upright, pushing the bottom of his recliner back into the base and slowly standing up. He reached for his phone in his pocket, pulling it out and unlocking the screen. He stared at it blankly for several moments, Anvil’s meow catching his attention again.

“I don’t know why I can’t do it, buddy,” He said, looking down at the grey cat. Anvil meowed again in response. 

“I really don’t know, I’ve known the kids for so long you’d think it was easy. I guess the reality of it all hits harder than I thought.”

He walked into the kitchen to pour himself his second cup of coffee. “Everything isn’t as okay as I thought it was.”

Anvil meowed and rubbed against Travlok’s legs.

“Yeah I will, I will. I’ll call soon enough. I need to finish my breakfast first.”

Anvil raised up and stretched his legs out to touch Travlok’s thighs. His claws came through his pants and he could feel the sharp daggers against his skin for just a moment before the cat went back down to the floor. He meowed.

“Okay I’ll do it now,” he said finally. 

Travlok unlocked his phone again and scrolled through his contacts. The first person he wanted to call was Suri, so he did.

“Boss,” Suri said on the other line. “What’s up? Are you slacking again?”

Travlok chuckled. “Always,” he said, sipping his coffee. “What’s going on with you today?”

“At The Colosseum today again, hanging out with Joseph,” She said, and a faint “Hi” was heard in the background.

“Ah, that gentleman at the venue, nice.”

“Boss, there’s a couple songs I want you to hear. I think while the band is on hiatus we could work on some side things, if you think that would be cool.”

Travlok nodded, looking down at Anvil, who was purring. “Yeah sure, I’ll drop by later. Anyway, was just checking in. I’ll let you go back to your nerd things. Catch you later.”

“Bye man, stop slacking,” Suri said, and the like cut off.

Travlok sighed and scrolled through his contacts to Dorian. He paused and shook his head, continuing to scroll down. He stopped at Saturn and stared at it a moment before passing it by. He knew they were fine. There was one person he could call before going to Kiran.

“Hey,” Elias said, answering the phone.

“Do you have good news for me?” Travlok said, dreading his answer.

“Yeah, I mean, nothing has happened. Kiran’s just taking a nap. You know, we went to the fair the other night. She really had a good time. I did too,” he said, and Travlok sighed in relief. 

Travlok decided not to share the news he just saw. “Yeah, that’s good, I’m glad you all had a good time. I’ll let you go. Keep in touch, yeah?”

“Yeah sure. I’ll let Kiran know you said hi.”

Travlok lowered the phone from his ear and ended the call. He didn’t know why he always felt so strange calling them now, but it was so different now than it used to be. He rested his phone on the counter and looked down at Anvil.

“Everything’s okay, Anvil. I think everything is gonna be fine now.” 

Travlok genuinely smiled. He hoped everything would be.

\---------------------------------------------------

Elias rested against the kitchen counter, sipping from the beer in his hand. He had started drinking earlier and earlier, he knew he had a problem but he couldn’t help it. He spent so much time taking care of Kiran, he never really took the chance to take care of himself. He didn’t mind, though. He knew his limits. Besides, he was better at everything when he had been drinking anyway.

He flipped the omelet in the pan and sprinkled some seasoning on top before switching it to a plate. He glanced at his guitar in the corner, wondering if he would ever play it again. He let out a deep sigh, carrying his food to the dining table. 

Kiran’s house was smaller, but comfortable. She lived by herself for a long time, since her parents and sister got killed in that car crash. Her aunt watched over for a while, but overall, most of the remaining days of her life she spent alone. Without the band, he didn’t think she would have any friends. Any good, real friends. 

He paused, thinking he heard something upstairs, but when it went back to silence he continued to eat. 

After he had taken Kiran to Morion’s, he had thought the worst. He thought she would come back bloody and bruised, broken into pieces, worse than she already was. He thought she wouldn’t make it. But when she got back into his car that night, everything seemed… normal. She had gotten into his car, fastened her seatbelt, took off her mask, and told him to drive home. It was just… normal. And it worried him. 

She had done nothing exciting after that. Elias stayed in her home with her because all she wanted to really do was sleep. Sometimes he would hear her throwing up, sometimes he would hear her cry, and he was always there, even though her door was always locked. The night before she came down and they watched a movie, and she was fine. She acted like nothing had happened. She smiled, she laughed, she was happy. He was dying to know what was under her facade. 

After some time, he heard her talking upstairs. She was finally awake, and the door creaked open.

“Elias,” she said at the top of the stairs.

“I’m still here,” Elias replied, shoving a forkful of omelet into his mouth.

“Wow, you never leave do you,” Kiran said, humor in her voice.

“Nope, I never leave,” he said, managing a chuckle. He waited for more, but there was silence. He heard some rustling, then finally descending steps.

“Do you want me to make you something?” Elias said, looking over when Kiran stepped into the kitchen.

“Nah, cereal will do,” Kiran replied. 

Kiran rested her hands on Elias’ shoulders, moving her fingers into his hair. She rubbed his scalp for a moment before pulling away and going into the fridge. “You know what, I need chocolate milk,” she said to herself, rummaging around for a moment before pulling out the regular milk. 

“We can run to the store and grab you a couple things,” Elias said, watching Kiran as she moved throughout the kitchen. She had this thing about her that always caught his eye, and he always found it hard to look away from her.

“Yeah, okay,” Kiran said to his surprise, and life fluttered into his chest. Maybe everything was okay, afterall. 

They sat down at the table and ate together. They left together, they went to the store together, they went to the mall together, they went to see puppies together. Elias was soaking up every minute of enjoyment Kiran was giving him. He loved seeing her smile and laugh, he loved seeing her out of the house. He loved having her hand around his, her lips on his. He brought her in close and held her tight. He never wanted to let her go. He would keep her from the worst of the world. He would keep her safe and happy.

Forever.

\---------------------------------------------------

Saturn ran her hairbrush through her long hair, getting it nice and straight before she separated it into thick parts. She loved braiding her hair. She used a tie on the end and gave herself another approving look in the mirror before giving herself a thumbs up and leaving the bathroom.

Earlier that day, when the sun was high and shining through her window, she had gotten a call from Kiran. She had grabbed her phone in a hurry, answering it to hear her friend’s voice on the other line.

“Will you go somewhere with me tonight?” Kiran asked, her voice as sweet as a sugared strawberry.

“Of course, where do you wanna go?” Saturn replied, and she sat up straight on her bed.

“We need to have some fun, you know? We haven’t been anywhere fun in a while, I think we should go to Luna Lounge,” Kiran said, and even through the phone Saturn could tell Kiran was smiling.

Luna Lounge was their old hang out spot. Even when they were new friends, they went there all the time. They hung out there, they drank there, they drugged up there. They had their first gig there. That place was full of memories, full of happiness, full of pain. It was a nostalgic place for them both, and even though they had different experiences there at one point, that place brought them together in the end. 

“Yeah, okay, we can go to Luna Lounge. What time?”

“Let’s meet up at nine, okay? I’ll see you there,” Kiran said, “Don’t be late now!”

When the call ended, Saturn found herself smiling, just as she was now. She flipped the light to the bathroom and went into the hall, finding Dorian heading her way.

“I thought you had gotten lost in there,” He said, looking over her outfit. 

She knew Kiran was going to go all out like she always did, so she went all out too. Booty shorts fit snugly over fishnets, her crop top showed off the piercings she had on her stomach. Mesh gloves, a choker, dark eyeliner, black lipstick. She was the version of her younger self all over again, without the bloody nose. 

“We’re going to Luna Lounge,” Saturn said, and a worried look flashed in Dorian’s eyes. He wasn’t a fan of that place, unlike the girls, all his memories from there having to save Saturn from the grip of her overdoses. 

“Don’t worry,” Saturn said quickly, “It’s just for fun. Nothing will happen, okay? I promise.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

Dorian had a stern look on his face. 

“I promise,” Saturn said again, leaning up on her tip toes and giving Dorian a soft kiss. “Yeah?”

Dorian put his arms around Saturn and pulled her in tight, giving her a tight squeeze. “I don’t want you to go, you should stay right here,” he said, sliding his hand down her back to bring her even closer. “Please?”

Saturn put her finger to her lip in false thought, batting her eyelashes at Dorian. She let her eyes close when he leaned down and kissed her neck.

“Please?” He asked again, this time in a whisper. He pulled the neck of her shirt over, kissing the top of her shoulder. 

Saturn felt a shiver trail down her spine. She wanted to stay,  _ really _ wanted to, but she told Kiran she would go. 

“I can’t,” she let out in a soft breath, shaking her head.

Dorian trailed his kisses back up her neck and to her cheek, then finally to her lips. “Alright, it’s okay. I tried,” he replied, a faint smile on his lips. “Please be careful, I’ll miss you.”

  
  


Saturn grabbed her purse and keys, saying goodbye to Dorian with a few more kisses before shutting the door and going out to her car. She turned the keys, remembering the last time she drove herself somewhere. It was a living nightmare, that night. A night club with her groupies and a batch of fresh rock. She didn’t think she’d remember that night the way she did. Without Dorian there, she might not have made it. 

Her mind played memories like a movie reel the whole way there. She remembered waking up in the middle of the night, Kiran shaking her with a grin on her face. It was too early, around 3am, she thought, when Kiran dragged her out that night in a rush. They had gone to the empty fairground, closed now from a full day of fun. They had hopped the fence and ran through the empty stalls, climbed the ferris wheel, did cartwheels in the dust. 

She remembered driving at the speed of light down the interstate, music blaring on the radio too loud to hear their own thoughts. Kiran by her side, they harmonized to the song as loud as they possibly could, their windows down for the whole world to hear. 

She remembered that day they ran from the cops, laughing like kids having too much sugar as they leapt over fences and through houses and over lawns, knocking down trash cans and furniture as they ran as fast as their legs could take them. They ran too good, they hid too well. The police never found them.

All these memories, all starting and ending at the same place; Luna Lounge. Here was another one to add to the list, heaven only knows how it would turn out this time.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Kiran clicked the button on her keys twice, hearing the hoot of the alarm as she walked to the entrance. She leaned against a light post, her eyes scanning the parking lot for any signs of Saturn. As people walked by, she could hear the murmurs and the not-so-quiet cat calls towards her. She only gave a smirk in response, she knew she was dressed perfectly for the occasion. She wondered if people mistook her for a pole dancer. If she wasn’t then, she was certainly going to be before the night was up.

A slick blue car pulled into the parking lot, and Kiran was surprised to see Saturn’s car still ran. She hadn’t seen Saturn drive in a long time, not since they had gotten into that accident a few years ago. Oh the things drugs do to a person.

“Hey,” Saturn said, practically skipping up to where she was standing. “I can’t wait for this,” she continued, letting out a deep breath as if she had been holding it in the whole way there.

“Yeah, me too,” Kiran said, a smile tugging her lips. “Are you ready to go in?”

“Yes!! Of course I am,” Saturn said, grabbing Kiran’s arm and pulling her to the entrance.

A bouncer waited outside the club, taking people in and pushing people out of line. Kiran recognized him from before, a familiar face to the two girls. She wondered if he recognized them, but he answered her question almost immediately when he gestured for them to come up to the front of the line.

“Girls,” He said, nodding slowly. “Long time. Enjoy yourselves.”

Kiran elbowed Saturn as she gave the other people waiting in line the snootiest look she could manage. They went into the venue, nostalgia hitting them hard as the music boomed in their chests and the lights flickered in their eyes. Kiran pulled the zipper to her leather vest down, showing off her checkered bra underneath. She closed her eyes for just a moment, pausing in the midst of the people dancing to let out a deep breath. The bass boomed in her ears, and when she opened her eyes again she took in all that was the Luna Lounge. Dancers on the stage, the women weaving their way around their poles. The drunks in the front and surrounding the bar, the couples grinding, the prostitutes, the drugs, the money everywhere. The place, despite everything, smelled like a sour fruity drink and it made her mouth water. She took Saturn’s hand and pulled her to the middle of the room. The space was tight as bodies rubbed against one another, grinding, pushing, grabbing each other. Saturn made her way through the crowd, the people erupting in applause as she stepped up with the dancers and gripped her hands around the pole, swinging around and stripping down. Dollar bills flew at her, covering the stage as she grinded against the other dancers. She didn’t plan on taking the money, not until she got drunk, anyway.

Kiran pushed through all the bodies, making her way to the bar when she got stopped by someone. 

“You look familiar,” He said, looking her over. He played with the zipper on her vest.

“I’m in a band,” She said, taking his hand and guiding it down, pulling the zipper with it. “Does it matter, though?”

She pushed the vest off her shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. She would never see it again.

“Not really… Dance with me,” He said, putting his hands around her waist.

“Buy me a drink first,” Kiran said with a wink. “Make it two.”

“Good times always happen at Luna Lounge,” Nix’s voice rang in the back of Kiran’s mind as she took the glass from her new beau. Before Saturn became her best friend, before the band, Kiran spent her nights at Luna Lounge shooting up and smoking with her group of “trouble makers”. Morian, Nix, Felix, Duce, Kal, and herself… Rin. Many nights were wasted here in a daze. They always claimed the back booth, it was always their table. Kiran didn’t think that the Lounge let anyone else sit there. Even now, as she eyed it in the back of the room, it was empty. A big part of her missed them all. Missed the tug of death on her shoulders. Watching Saturn dance the pole, drinking to her content, and feeling the lips of her stranger cover her body made her feel at home. She was somewhere she knew, where nobody could hurt her. Where she felt strong. Here, in Luna Lounge, she could truly let go.

_ Release your pain,  _ was step three.

When Saturn was done dancing, Kiran met her at the bottom of the steps.

“I’ve made it,” Kiran said, remembering the therapist’s words in her head.

“What?” Saturn said, leaning in closer, deafened by the music.

“Follow me to the back,” Kiran said, and Saturn knew what was coming.

“Why don’t we stay in the front?” Saturn said, following Kiran.

“Because Saturn,” Kiran said, stopping as she turned to look at Saturn, a broad smile on her face. “I want to go numb.”

  
  
  
  


_ There’s a million reasons lives get shaken _

Voices clashed together, bodies packed tightly in the night club**.**

_ Each one hurts the same _

The razor’s edge cut ivory into thin lines on the table.

_ It’s getting hard to tell what’s breaking _

Pills slid down with the help of a shot of whiskey.

_ The picture or the frame _

Clothes dropped to the floor.

_ Every second wasted worried _

A deep breath swept the table clean.

_ Falls away unsaved _

A needle pierced the skin.

_ Try to empty out the madness _

Three shots down over a film of acid. 

_ Tomorrow do the same _

The devil wins.

  
  


_ The secrets have spoken _

_ We are the broken _


	10. 0

The end. The end of the world as they knew it, the story they knew had come to a close. All that was left for them was the upcoming wave of change. There are a lot of things that change in a person, just as much as they change in the world. Friendships grow distant without a reason to stay put, and people go their separate ways. It’s a change that hurts, but gets better in the end.  
  
The bassist went to her groups every Wednesday. She was a regular, a popular one too. She had been fighting her battles, and in the end became a winner, though she wouldn’t stop going. She couldn’t. Going to rehab, going to group therapy sessions, those were the things reminding her of her fight. Who knows what would happen if she got the nerve to quit. What would happen if she relapsed again? She was afraid that the spiral steps she’d been climbing for a year would suddenly turn into a slide. She couldn’t go through it all again. Not again. Not after she had worked this hard to get where she was.  
  
She had a job, working in a music store as a clerk part time just to make enough money to pay her part of the bills. She wanted to teach kids how to play the bass, though. Maybe one day she’d get her chance. She had new friends. Co-workers, mainly, but still good influences for her to hang out with. She moved into a new house with Dorian and adopted a kitten, a black and white tuxedo with a split face and one floppy ear, Lux was the name. In the glory of being a homeowner she even learned to make at least five things for dinner; spaghetti and meatballs, chicken alfredo, hot dogs, hamburgers, and grilled cheese. She was a proud cook, and Dorian was even prouder. She obtained a bookshelf full of novels and would read at least one book a day, escaping into the fantasy worlds tucked into the pages for night and shedding a tear or two for her favorite characters. She got up early walked mountain trails every morning, and meditated every night, easing her mind and distracting herself from the harshness of the world. She was at ease, now. She hadn’t felt this free in a long time. Dr. Hendly was the best guy she’d been able to see at her rehab center, without him and Dorian, she didn’t think she could have made it this far.

Her relationship with Dorian only escalated. They were in full time boyfriend-girlfriend status and she liked flaunting it too. Every time they went anywhere, she could see the looks the women give him, and then her. Most of the looks were judgemental, but there would be the looks of recognition, too. They were recognizable still. Even after a year, after that gig, the people still loved their music. They would run into their groupies from time to time, and she could overhear them talking about how “no, the drummer is supposed to get with the lead singer-” “-no, the lead singer is supposed to get with the bassist”, and all that stuff that people make up about them. She enjoyed it, though, and would even sometimes play along with them. She still missed the band, more and more every day, but she had a new life now.   
  
Eventually she would move on. Someday.

“Don’t you like this one?” Dorian said, pointing to a bag fixed with a pair of bat wings that was hanging on a stand in the store.

Saturn and Dorian both had a day off, and they spent it going to lunch and to stores and to the mall and then, after all the shopping was done, they were going to get ice cream at Buster and Dimes, but Saturn didn’t know that part yet.

“Oh,” Saturn gasped, taking the bag in her hands and looking over it with glistening eyes. “I love it! How much,” She said, peeking at the price tag and nearly gagging. “This is ridiculous,” she said, dropping the bag and letting it swing.

Dorian gave Saturn a half smile and grabbed it off the hook. “It’s on me,” he said, holding it out to her. “Remember, I told you that today you can get whatever you want. I got that bonus, and I don’t mind spending it all on you.”

“You shouldn’t spend it _ all _ on me,” Saturn said, sinking a little. “It’s _ your _ money, you know? You always do this and I always feel bad.” She looked down at the bat wing bag and let out a sigh. It was _ really _ cute.

“You obviously don’t understand what love is, then,” Dorian said, raising his eyebrows. “What it really means is that you want to buy your partner lots of things until they’re crowded in their room and can’t get out.”

Saturn blinked and looked over at Dorian, and they stared at each other for a moment before they both started laughing.

“Fine, you win, you can buy me the expensive cute bag and I won’t say a thing more about it!” Saturn said, tossing the bag to Dorian. “And, on top of that, I think I want these bracelets too,” she grabbed a pair of bracelets that were hanging on a rack, “and also these socks.” She tossed the knee-highs onto the pile growing in Dorian’s arms and looked over her shoulder back at him. “Do you regret this?”

Dorian merely shook his head, “Nope, not a bit. We still have other stores to go to, so make sure you really want something before we leave.”

Saturn smiled and leaned over, giving him a deep kiss. “You’re amazing, you know that?” She said, wrapping her arms around him and all the things in his arms and giving him a tight squeeze. “So amazing.”

“I’m only half what you are, Saturn,” He said with a smile, getting in line for the check out.

After Saturn had found everything she wanted at the mall, the two of them ventured towards the ice cream parlor. “Do you want to watch a movie tonight?”

Saturn looked over at Dorian, bags of items in her arms. “Sure, is that where we’re going?”

“No, it isn’t, the movie would come after this,” he replied, glancing at her behind his sunglasses.

“Sure, a perfect way to end the day, good dinner and a movie. What shall we watch, then?”

The car was silent for a few minutes as they both thought over their options. 

“That new Toy Story movie?” Dorian said, looking over at her. He slowed as he pulled into the parking lot.

Saturn had her face and hands against the window, staring at the bright Buster and Dimes sign illuminating the entrance. She let out a squeal and bounced in her seat. “I don’t even care,” she said, clapping her hands together. “I can’t believe we are going to this place!”

“Oh, you don’t like this place?” Dorian asked jokingly, putting the car in reverse and slowly backing up.

“NO!” Saturn screamed, smacking Dorian’s arm. “YOU GO INTO THAT PARKING SPOT NOW!”

Dorian laughed, pulling into where Saturn suggested and parking. “Okay, there. We are officially here. You may undo your seatbelt and go stand in line. Thank you.”

Saturn practically sprung out of the car and into the line immediately. “I am going to have a double chocolate fudge triple cone with star sprinkles and gummy bears on top,” She said with confidence. “That’s the best thing. Have you had that?”

“Yes I’ve had that,” Dorian said, halfway rolling his eyes. “You’ve given it to me before, remember.”

“Oh...Yeah! Anyway,” Saturn tossed her braid over her shoulder. “What are you getting?”

Dorian thought about it for a moment. “Vanilla milkshake.”

Saturn gasped, “That’s _ it _ ? That is all you’re getting? I can’t believe you! Who _ are _ you? We are at the best ice cream place in the _ universe _ and you are getting a single vanilla milkshake. Ridiculous.”

Dorian chuckled and stepped up in line with Saturn, reaching down and taking her hand. “It’s okay, I’ll eat some of your double chocolate fudge triple cone with star sprinkles and gummy bears on top.”

“Yeah, you-”

A song played from Saturn’s back pocket and she reached for her phone, staring at it for a moment. She glanced up at Dorian before sliding to accept the call, bringing the phone to her ear.

“Hello?”  


\----------------------

Standing in the broad auditorium, the tech was looking up at the lighting fixtures above. Something was off, and she thought that maybe a light had slipped and needed to be tightened. She hoped that there was a ladder close by, she didn’t have the time to go hunting one down in a big place like this. Maybe for once someone left something where it was supposed to be, but Suri wasn’t going to hold her breath.   
  
She walked closer to the stage, looking between where the lights shined on the back wall, then back up to the lights, holding a hand over her eyes. She was certain it was that middle one, that it was too low. She turned back to the stage and rested her elbows on it, letting out a sigh. This stage was her home, her first big venue. If it wasn’t for The Black Feather, she never would have experienced this place. She never would have expanded her career.   
  
The Colosseum was the best thing that had happened to her. She got a full time job there working as an audio technician, which got her the part time weeknight gigs through other employers that had performances she’d have to run at The Colosseum, who enjoyed her work and would ask her to work at one of their upcoming shows. People appreciated what she did, and having a job like this, that was something that was important to her. She wasn’t just a tech anymore, she was a _manager_. She even had her own set of keys to this place, which was nice. She smiled, reaching down to her waist and unhooking the keys from her belt, holding them up to the light. Travlok’s “manager” keychain glistened, and she ran her thumb over the cool metal. If it wasn’t for that band, where would she be?  
  
A couple of warm hands slid around her waist, holding her tight. “What are you thinking about?” Joseph asked, resting his chin on her shoulder.

“The band, but you knew that already. And also this damn light, I need a ladder pronto,” Suri said, leaning her head to the side and resting it against his. “B7 is south by about 10 inches, I’m pretty sure it has a loose screw. Can you get me the kit from the appliance room?”  
  
Joseph brought his head up and kissed Suri’s forehead. “Yeah, sure, we have to make sure that light is fixed,” he said, winking when she gave him ‘the look’. 

“I just don’t want anything askew tonight when they show up, okay? Tonight is a big show.”

“I know, I know! You could always not use that light though, save you the risk of falling to your death trying to tighten a light that’s 10 inches off,” Joseph called over his shoulder. “Just saying.”

She had met Joseph at The Colosseum. It had been a whole year since their relationship started. He was just a nerd like she was, insisting that he work for her once she got her management position. Because of this, he got to go with her to her part time gigs too, since he was her manager assistant. They were always together, and never did they ever get tired of one another. They would sit in the auditorium for hours and just talk together, holding hands, drinking soda, laughing all night until they realized it was _ way _ too late to be there. They always had a “date night”, going to a nice dinner and going back to one of their homes to get in pajamas and watch a show or movie. Sometimes they’d go out to a bar, or a park, or wherever the night took them. They were two halves of a whole, and it was strange if you ever saw one of them alone. To Suri, it was a perfect match.   
  
Joseph came back, dragging the _ long _ ladder down the aisle. When he reached Suri, they stood it up together, moving it just so it was under the B7 light.   


“Okay?” Joseph asked, glancing at Suri.

“Yeah,” She nodded, starting her ascent up the ladder. When she got about arms reach away, she looked at Joseph. “Screwdriver please?” She held out her hand.  
  
Joseph dug through the kit and pulled out a small sized Phillips head. “This is the one that fits the upper lights right? Or is it the medium size?” He already knew the answer, but he liked to ask her questions anyway. 

Suri took it and looked it over, “Yeah this will do, if it doesn’t fit I’ll come back down,” She said with a laugh. 

Her hands gripped the ladder as she climbed up to the ceiling, squeezing tighter as they began to get clammy. She had done this many times, but even so she was still afraid of slipping. Her body always got tingly and shaky, and she would fight the thought that her foot would slip at any moment. Several times over the past year she had pictured herself falling to her death off this ladder, but she remained vigilant. “Not today,” She said, letting both hands go off the ladder and reaching up to the light, pushing it up until the light shone in the perfect spot, and tightening the screw. She shook as she dropped her hands back down onto the top of the ladder, and slowly, carefully, she crawled back down. When she reached the bottom, she stepped down into a sitting position on the floor and rested her head on her knees for a moment before reaching the screwdriver up to Joseph.   
  
“I have prevailed,” she said, looking up at Joseph. “No ladder will end me today!”

Joseph chuckled and took the screwdriver from Suri, sticking it down in the kit. “And look, your efforts of moving the light exactly 10 inches has paid off! What an accomplishment!”

Suri stood for the sole purpose of smacking Joseph in the arm, “Oh leave me alone, will you? Let’s get everything set up.”

  


When night fell, the crowd came in. A line of people made their way down the aisles, up the stairs, or into the open front to take their place among the crowd of onlookers. The place filled up fast, a popular group this band was, for sure. It was upsetting. Morticai’s Grave was the band that surpassed The Black Feather after their disappearance. They came up like skeletons out of the ground, out of nowhere, nobody had known them, nobody had heard them. But when The Black Feather no longer played their gigs, they took up the empty spots immediately. It was a miracle how fast their popularity grew. And now they were here at The Colosseum. It pissed Suri off. Maybe she’d mess them up on purpose, if only her job didn’t depend on it. 

“Hey,” Joseph said, resting his hand over Suri’s clenched fist. “You can do a great job without doing as great as you would if they were here instead,” he said, reading her mind. “You aren’t working with them, you’re working for them, so do it for the show, not for them. They…” he let out a sigh as he continued, “are a good band, and you know it. The music is good. Let the music have the performance it deserves. Fuck the members, though, they suck balls.”

Suri laughed, taking Joseph’s hand and leaning into him where her head rested on his chest. “Okay, you convinced me, I’ll do a good show. But for the people though, just cause they came all this way and paid all their money to Jill up front, and because I feel bad for them for coming to see a shitty band,” Suri said getting a light smack on the shoulder.   
  
“Boss you ready?” A voice spoke in her head phones, bringing her to attention. 

_ Boss _. She dimmed the lights of the surrounding area, bringing the crowd to already start their cheering. “Let’s do it,” she replied, tossing Joseph his headset. They took their positions in the booth, and the show began.

  


This was how Suri’s life was, watching the bands play night after night. She got to listen to the music, but better yet, she got to _ control _ the music. She was the reason the show came to life, with her speakers and her lights, and her mics, and her board. Without her, the show would be pretty mediocre. But playing at The Colosseum, for anyone having that stage, that crowd, and Suri at their service, it was a memory never to be forgotten. Tonight’s show had a full house, and the crowd screamed and cheered and sang along to the music. Everyone knew the words, raising their hands and jumping up and down. Suri found herself nodding along to the music and had to stop herself, remembering how she was supposed to be spiteful. This performance took her back a year, and once again she found herself thinking of The Black Feather’s final performance. 

“This song,” Joseph spoke softly, leaning over to Suri and bringing her back to the real world, “would be a great song to have sex to!”

Suri had to mute her mic because she burst out laughing. “This song is _ not _ a great song to have sex to,” she said, pushing Joseph’s shoulder. “However, it is probably a great song to listen to after getting stood up at a diner!”

They laughed, almost missing where the manager was talking in their headsets.

“Bass up,” He said for the third time, his voice getting more and more irritated.

“The bass is fine, if I go any higher it will overpower the second guitar,” Suri replied, the smile from her laughter still on her lips. She rose the bassist’s control on her board up just a little bit, taking a moment to hear how the music sounded before responding. “Okay, It’s up a smidge, but I won’t go any higher for this song. This isn’t a bass heavy song,”

“When I say bass up, I meant bass up,” the manager snapped.

“Listen bucko, I know what I’m doing. So please calm down and let me handle it. It’s my job,” she replied, getting a thumbs up from Joseph.

They didn’t hear a thing from him after that.

  


When the show was about to end, she left Joseph in the booth to finish while she went to the back to prepare for clean up. The final song was halfway through, and Suri hadn’t really paid attention to it until she was behind the curtains. The hairs on her arms began to bristle as goosebumps began to rise. The music moved through her ears and into her mind, and anger boiled under her skin.

“_ I wish I could destroy myself with a pen- _

_ But I keep running out of ink- _

_ Please write me over and over- _

_ Until the pain leaves my body” _

_ “Written like a love song, _

_ Read like a prayer, _

_ Am I the voice you lost to the wolves, my dear?” _

The words came out clear as day to Suri, and she looked out into the audience as they prepared for the chorus she had heard time and time again. She couldn’t believe she didn’t catch on to it sooner.

“_ You won’t break me! _

_ Wait and you’ll see- _

_ At dawn, I’ll still be here” _

_ “I’ll find you when the lights go out, _

_ I’ll be here when it all comes falling down- _

_ All comes falling down _

_ You can’t take me down _

_ You can’t take me down _

_ You can’t count me out _

_ No, you won’t break me down” _

The Black Feather’s music resonated through The Colosseum as this band replicated it through a half-as-good cover. 

Suri couldn’t believe it. She changed the channel on her headset and spoke to Joseph directly. “Do you hear this bullshit? I didn’t realize this was happening. They must have just decided to do this because it wasn’t on the set list they gave me.”

“What a bold move,” Joseph replied. “Pulling a stunt like that. But look at the crowd, they really have the crowd at their fingertips playing The Black Feather’s music.”

“Do you think they’ll do it again?” Suri asked, still glaring at the musicians as the song ended. She worked her way to the light box and started flipping switches. 

“Probably,” Joseph replied, and she could hear him sigh. “But even if they come back, that’s just going to happen. People are going to cover their music. It’s the way of life, Suri.”

Suri yanked cords out of the outlets and started wrapping them up around her arms. “Yeah, well, it’s stupid. I think I need a drink after this.”

Joseph laughed, “Okay hun, I’ll get you sushi and a root beer float, how about that?”

Suri smiled, letting out a soft giggle. “Yeah, okay. That makes me feel better already.”

“Hey Suri?” Joseph spoke softly in the headset, and Suri looked up from the stage to the booth on the other side. 

“Yes Joseph?”

“You’re awesome and I love you.”

Suri smiled. “I love you too.”

\-------------

After Kiran's disappearance, Elias had taken on trying to better himself. Every morning he would get up at five to start his routine with a glass of bourbon. Of course, he had eggs and toast to go along with his favorite drink, and he’d let it settle before going into his workout. A hundred pulls-ups a day, among other things, made his physical appearance much more bold. He didn’t do it for the looks, though. He did it for the health, and for the relief in his mind. It kept him from staring at his phone, waiting for her to call. 

By eight he was at his first job. He would drive forty minutes out of the way to go to a small tea shop a couple of towns over. Kiran had brought him there as proof to show him she wasn’t just a crazy party girl. He always smiled on the drive there, the memory never failing to emerge in his mind. 

“Elias,” She said, grinning. It was the last time he saw her smile. 

“Yes, love?” He leaned in closer.

“You haven’t had one sip of your tea, dear. Now I know it’s not your style, but you have to give it a shot!” He glanced down at the small teacup and slowly brought it to his lips, slurping as loud as he possibly could. It made her laugh, the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. 

“Stupid, drink the tea!” She reached over to smack his arm. The tea spilled onto the table.

“See what you’ve done now! Crazy girl,” He shook his head and grabbed a couple of napkins to wipe up the spilled tea. “You haven’t proved to me anything yet!”

“And I don’t plan to, I really just came here to get away from the rest of the world, and see Mr. Karlsrud. And to be with you, of course.”

Mr. Karlsrud was the ninety-two year old tea shop owner. He was a magnificent man, and taught Elias about everything he could possibly ever need to know about making tea. In fact, he taught Elias everything he’d ever need to know about running the shop. Even though Elias refused on several occasions, Mr. Karlsrud insisted because he no longer had an heir to inherit the shop from him. Though Elias was certain that tea was going to make Mr. Karlsrud live to be at least one-hundred and fifty.

When he’d get into work, that gentleman would always have breakfast snacks awaiting him. Pastries alongside a cup of Earl Grey. The whole shop would be filled with the aroma of fresh tea leaves brewing. He’d grown accustomed to the smell, and could even tell someone what type of tea was being made just from that alone. The two of them would sit together by the window and drink their tea quietly, a moment of peace before they opened up for the day. Sometimes they would talk, but Elias preferred the time to meditate, and he knew the old man enjoyed his time to relax as well.

Elias would work until four in the afternoon, when Karlsrud would kick him to the curb. He’d shoo him out with his apron, saying “You work too much, you work too hard, get out of here and get a life!” Elias would never tell the old guy he didn’t have a life, or a second job. He didn’t really want to be scolded by a guy who was going to hand down his tea shop to him in fifty-eight years. He’d just smile and wave him off as he hung up his apron on the rack and gathered his few items before heading out the door.

After working his first job, Elias had a few hours to spare before going into his second job. Some days he would go home, but most days he’d find something else to do.

“Hey, you won’t believe this,” Elias typed into his phone, a small smile on his face. He hit send before looking up through the windshield. 

Something had encouraged him to drive to the mountain top. He hadn’t been there for some time, but when he reached the top of the road he didn’t regret it one bit. It was a view of the orange, pink, and yellow sunset behind five air balloons. Elias stepped out of his car and raised his phone up to the sky, snapping a picture and sending it to Kiran’s number. No matter what he did, he always let her in on it, whether she responded or not. 

  


The drive to The Copper Rooster was forty minutes to home, and ten minutes West. It was his favorite bar, and the home of his second job, where _ he _ was the bartender serving the sad drunks late at night instead of the other way around. He got to work with Ralph, who had been _ his _ bartender for the past three years. 

“Elias,” Ralph greeted him when he walked in from changing in the employee restroom. “How was the tea shop?” He punched Elias’ arm as he passed by, laughing softly. “You really enjoy working there?”  


“It’s more than what you would think, I’ve learned a lot from that place, and from the old man I work with too. He’s ancient, you’d be good to go in and just listen to him talk. I think it would make your brain grow.”

“I’ve already got a big head,” Ralph replied with a sharp laugh. “I don’t think I need any more brain power.” He winked and tossed Elias a towel.

Elias caught the towel before peering in the mirror behind the liquor. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his dress shirt and straightened the collar before turning around to face the customers. 

“Do you ever think about wearing a bowtie? I feel like you could be that type of guy.”

Elias glanced at Ralph, “Maybe before I would have said no, considering I’m the guy who’d been in a band for several years. But now? Maybe, why do you ask?”

Ralph grabbed an empty glass from a customer and refilled it before passing it back, “Because I’m thinking about trying out the bowtie look, what do you think? Would you be willing to give it a go?”

“I’d try anything at this point, should we get vests too?” Elias dried off one of the glasses in his hand. “Are we going fancy? Do you want me to slick my hair back?”

“Man, let’s go for it. I think we’d be some snazzy fuckers,” Ralph replied with a laugh. 

When the laughter died down, there was just the chattering from the bar. It went on for some time before Ralph finally broke the silence again.

“So,” He started, pouring a shot of whiskey. “Anything?”

Elias knew what he was talking about the moment he started talking. “Nothing,” Elias replied, clearing his throat. “It doesn’t matter, she’ll come around when she’s ready.”

“I’m proud of you for not letting it get to you, you were rough for a while.”

He was right, when she first had left Elias had been in rough shape. Drinking at the bar every night, not leaving his house, no job, no reason to get out. He wouldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. All he could do was stare. He was glad he finally got out of that daze that Mr. Karlsrud slapped him out of. 

“Yeah, it was that damn tea shop you always talk shit about that fixed it, I’m telling you, you need to go there. It’s far, but it’s worth it. Just go one day,” Elias replied with a sigh. “Tea has life changing properties apparently.”

“I know you don’t like to talk about it, but I still can’t believe that she just ran out on you like that without a word.”

“It wasn’t without a word, it was without a time.”

_ “Elias I have to get away,” _he heard her voice replay one too many times.

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “Just what I said, I have to get away from here. I just need to be alone.” _

_ "Where are you going to go?” _He reached for her, held her hands tight. 

_ “It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to tell you or anyone else. One day I’m just going to disappear.” _

  


“Cruelty,” Ralph snapped him back into reality. “She’s cruel.”

“Maybe so, but I love her all the same.”

“That’s determination there, bud. I would have bailed months ago.”

Elias chuckled softly, “That’s because you’re a loser.” 

He dodged the towel flying at him with another laugh before mixing a few more drinks for his customers. “When you meet a girl you know is _ that _ girl, I’m sure you will stick around as long as it takes.”

The night was long as Elias worked until midnight. He didn’t get much time to sleep, but it didn’t slow him down any. He headed into the back and got all his stuff together before stepping out of the bar and onto the sidewalk. He let out a deep breath and reached into his back pocket to pull out his phone. When he clicked the side button, the screen brightened up and he unlocked it with his pin. He went to his messages and clicked the one that said ‘Kiran’, getting ready to send her another memo. His fingers hovered above the keys, but he couldn’t type anything. His heart skipped a beat, and he brought the phone closer to his face. There, in the bottom corner of the last message he sent was a single word he hadn’t seen in a long time.

_ Read _.

\------------------------------------------------------

McCleary Rehabilitation Center was kind and better than anticipated. Fresh meals every day, boarding that was cheaper than a stay at a motel, individual therapy, and of course, rehabilitation. When Kiran had checked in there, she had left her car at home to keep herself from escaping. She had low expectations. Nobody wanted to admit they’d been to rehabilitation, but Kiran had to bite the bullet on that one and get over herself if she wanted to do something better for herself. She learned a lot from her experience there. She had help through her withdrawals and shoulders to cry on from the friends she’d made, both with the faculty and the other people sharing the same demons as she did. Every day she went and talked to someone about how she felt, and how she was going to feel better. Every night she stayed in her room and wrote music. The staff was even nice enough to let her use the piano in the study hall that hadn’t been touched in a couple years. It needed a tuning, but that didn’t stop the creative energy she had regained. Fifteen full songs and twenty-two half-finished ones later, she lost that irresistible urge to pollute her mind and body with the drugs she craved before. 

“What is the name of that one?” Claire, one of the girls at the rehab center she’d befriended asked one night when she was playing. 

She had come out of nowhere, startling Kiran and causing her to fumble on the keys. “Uh…” Kiran let out a deep breath as she regained her composure. “Eliisio,” She said after a moment. “Why? I have no idea. It’s a classical piece, so I think it deserves a classical sounding name.”

“By ‘classical’ you just mean ‘piano’, yeah?” Claire rolled her eyes. “Are you going to teach me to play one day or no?”

Claire had been addicted to heroine. Her parents dropped her off there one day and told her not to come home until she was “freed of her addiction”. She wasn’t a homebody and felt like her addiction spewed from her parents, so even though she didn’t have the desire for the drug anymore, she didn’t feel the need to leave. Ever since she had heard Kiran play the piano, Claire had asked her non stop about teaching her how to play. Kiran learned that Claire had always wanted to be in marching band, or any kind of musical activity, but that her parents made her focus on her science and math classes because they wanted her to pursue nursing. Kiran rolled her eyes at the thought.

“One day, I might, I just don’t know how to teach anyone anything,” Kiran said, turning the page back and starting from the beginning. “I can’t teach anyone else if I don’t know how to teach myself.”

“Oh cut the crap, Kiran,” Claire said and came to the bench. She scooted Kiran over and sat next to her. “Okay, teach me.”

After a long, drawn out sigh, Kiran took Claire’s hands and placed them on the piano. She had her go through the alphabet of music and started by teaching her how to play “Chopsticks”. 

“When you learn the piano you can play any instrument you want,” Kiran said softly, collecting her music into a pile as she listened to Claire try to play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”.

“Is that so?” 

“It’s like the building block of the music world.” Kiran stood from the bench and smacked Claire’s hands away from the keys before closing the key cover. “That’s enough for the night I think, it’s late and honestly I just want to go to bed.”

“You’re such a party pooper,” Claire said with a nudge, but she stood up at well. “Okay, yeah, see you tomorrow.” Then the two went their separate ways. 

The halls of the building were filled with decorations from art therapy, and the tiles under her feet came from the ceramic club. The whole atmosphere had an artsy feel to it. The way the classes helped broken people gain a bit of happiness really touched Kiran. Even the spirits that haunted her still weren’t as demanding in that place. The building had been built across the street from an old cemetery so even in rehab the spirits were there. Hallucinations, the therapist said, but Kiran knew it wasn’t so. Eventually Dr. Gregory stopped trying to prescribe medication for that specifically. Of course Kiran had medication for other things. Depression, mainly. Anxiety. PTSD. The things that drove Kiran to drain out her mind and let the demons take control. She wasn’t avid on taking more drugs to keep her from taking drugs, but she let the rehab center do what they thought was best. Overall, she was much better than she was before, and that was the important part.

“It doesn’t matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop,” They said during one of the group programs. “You can’t defeat the darkness by keeping it caged inside of you.” It wasn’t something Kiran practiced, but it was something she understood. Her whole life she had kept everything she felt on the inside, and it was still there, though she was letting it out bit by bit. She knew, though, that even the rehab center wouldn’t be able to help her with that. It was something she’d have to do on her own.

She stayed at the rehabilitation center for five months before deciding it was time to move on. The staff tried to convince her to stay, but she had to continue on her journey. She knew she had enough willpower to stay on track. And if she lost herself again, she knew where to go. Hopefully she’d never have to go back to that place. Without a car or bike, Kiran got a lot of exercise walking. She could have gone home to get her car, but she just wanted to keep going forward without looking back, so she never stayed in the same place twice, and took on odd jobs to keep her phone service active and to pay for her bus tickets and motel rooms. It got to the point where she didn’t even know where she was anymore, she’d gone so far. Eleven bus rides and fifteen miles on foot and she ended up in Montana. Considering she started at the rehab center in Churchill, Nevada, she had managed to impress herself. 

It was beautiful, to say the least. She had never left her hometown before, so it added on to her growing list of new experiences. It was somewhere she wanted to stay for a while, and she did. It took her several days, but she ended up right where she wanted to be. South Fork, a park with a broad lake, rolling hills, and a beautiful view of the mountains. The sight captivated Kiran, and she never wanted to leave. She tried hard to convince the staff at the park service building to give her small job, but to her disappointment, they couldn’t be swayed. It was frustrating, and all she could do was sit on the steps leading away from the building. She sat there for hours. People came and went, adventuring in the park without paying her any mind. It wasn’t until someone sat next to her that Kiran came back to her senses. 

“You’ve been here for hours,” an older gentleman said to her. “You’re going to burn to a crisp if you don’t get out of the sun and into the shade.”

“Probably,” Kiran said, looking at the man. “Have you been watching me?”

The man chuckled. “No, I saw you when I first started on my walk, and had gone all the way around the park and back, and you were still here. And I’m not a fast walker,” He said, wiggling his cane a bit with a wrinkled hand. 

He was probably in his seventies, with a head of snow white hair and a long beard that reached his collarbone. He had a cracked pair of glasses, and looked like he had been working hard with dirt on his face and tan lines at his shoulders. 

“Can I help you?” She asked when the man stayed silent.

“I was wondering if I could help you, you seem lost.”

Kiran turned away and let out a deep sigh. “I’m not lost, just far from home. I need a job so I can keep going, but I have no idea where to find one. I don’t know where I am. I’m from Nevada.”

“Ah, a traveler,” The man said, running a hand through his beard. “What are you running away from?”

Kiran was taken aback, and she looked at the man with wide eyes. “What makes you think I’m running away?”

“I don’t think most people come from Nevada to Montana by themselves just to get a job so they can ‘keep going’,” he replied simply. “I can give you a job, but you have to accept your circumstances.”

“What does that mean? What is the job?” Kiran said, turning to fully face the man.

“You’re running away from something, and now you’re lost without anyone to guide you. What is it you’re searching for? Serenity? Peace? Love? Do you even know?”

Kiran thought about it for a few moments. “I’m trying to run away from myself.”

“Now you’re talking nonsense,” The man chuckled. “You can’t get away from yourself, memories, maybe. People, places. You can’t become a better person from escaping where you came from. You have to confront your past. Do you think you can do that?” The man said, tapping a finger on his cane.

“No, I don’t think so,” Kiran shook her head. 

“At least you’re honest. My name is Harold Lenner,” He held out a hand and Kiran gave it a good shake. “What are you searching for?”

“A clear mind,” Kiran said. “I want a fresh start.”

“A clear mind, eh?” Harold slowly stood. “You don’t want a real job, then, do you? Real jobs will bog you down and add stress onto your psyche.”

Kiran stood with him. “You’re strange,” she said with a smile. “What are you offering, then, if not a real job?”

“Hah! You got me there, if you’re so inclined to do so, you can clean my cabin and tend to my cows.”

“Cows?” Kiran couldn’t remember the last time she even saw a real cow.

“I live there,” He pointed towards the mountains. “Not there, but close by. I grow the finest potatoes you’ve ever had and make money by selling my vegetables and butter. You think you want to give it a shot? I’m sure someone like you could use a little bit of old nature.”

“I don’t know if I’m up for this kind of work, I’ve been a spoiled brat most of my life. I was the lead singer of a band back at home. We were getting very popular, too.”

“Ah, well you never know what you’re capable of until you really try.”

  
  


As the days passed on, Kiran spent her early mornings making coffee and scrambling eggs while Harold watered the garden. She’d dust and vacuum and clean the dishes, and that was really it. The cabin was small and she slept on the living room couch, so there wasn’t much to keep clean. Though she would admit that it did look a lot better than it did when she first got there. After breakfast she’d go out and help with the animals. It wasn’t something she had ever pictured herself doing, but it was most certainly a better job than some of the odd jobs she had taken on. Every day she got to go out and look right at the mountain range before her. It wasn’t something she’d ever imagined being able to experience.

“What spoke to you to cause you to let a stranger work in your cabin?” She asked when Harold came around the corner.

“A long time ago I was at a chinese restaurant with my daughter and I got one of those fortune cookies. The fortune read, and I quote, ‘Be kind to those who are lost’. And I thought to myself, who is lost? Ah, and here you are. So, I will be kind to you.”

Kiran couldn’t help but laugh. “How long ago was this? You haven’t found any other people you’d consider to be lost?”

“Oh sure, I’ve seen plenty of people. But I knew they weren’t the ones I was waiting for. The universe tells you when something it right. I saw you sitting there and I just knew, you were the one the fortune cookie spoke of.”

“Maybe I need a fortune cookie to speak to me,” Kiran laughed.

“If you want, we can go to that chinese restaurant and you can grab yourself one,” Harold said with a raised eyebrow. 

After doing everything that needed to be done during the morning, Kiran spent the rest of her days reading. Harold had a surprising amount of books on an old shelf that she figured she would dive into. Stories of adventures and book of history. There were so many options that at first she had no idea where to even start, but she managed to find a classic, _ Peter Pan _, and dive into it immediately. The next few weeks she spent at the cabin she had already cleaned out the second shelf of books. She knew she would have them all read before long.

She was halfway into a book when her phone went off one day. She had finally decided to turn her phone on to vibrate. When she saw it was from Elias, she brought down the notification bar and read the first part of the message.

“This morning Karlsrud called me a turkey slu...” It read, and Kiran tilted her head. _ Huh? _

It made her want to open and read all the hundreds of messages she realized she hadn’t looked at, but she had vowed total silence. She had to keep true to herself, so she set the phone down and went back to reading. The fortune she got from Chow Meng with Harold came back to her mind. _ You already know the answer to the questions lingering inside your head. _   
  
Several hours later, when her book was nearly finished, it went off again.   
  


“Why are customers so rude, this guy just bro...”  


Kiran smiled. Her eyes started to water. She had been gone for months. She had left everyone and everything and vanished without another word. But she wasn’t ready to go back. She couldn’t have been ready. 

“You’re finally looking at that thing,” Harold said when he came into the cabin. His arms were filled with potatoes. 

“Yeah, I’ve been paying for it but haven’t touched it since I went to rehab.”

“It’s been lighting up every now and then. Someone talks to you a lot,” he said with a raised eyebrow.

“My band members, probably. And my...boyfriend,” Kiran said, her cheeks growing hot. 

“Wow, a runaway girlfriend,” Harold said with a wag of his finger. “Shame on you.”

“Harold, I was so overwhelmed. I couldn’t be happy, no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to get drunk and high every moment of my life. I wanted to go to the club every night and sleep with random people, not to mention I had spirits in my head wanting me to talk to them and help them find peace!” Kiran took in a deep breath. 

“And what about now?” Harold replied without batting an eye. 

“Now, I…” She paused for a moment. She had been here for several weeks. She had been in bliss, completely serenity. No voices, no noise, no ex boyfriends or drugs. Nobody but the cows, chickens, goats, and Harold. Nothing but the mountains and the farmer’s market on Sunday. No phone, only books. When she thought about it, what a difference it was from before, she got the pang of loneliness. 

_ You can’t defeat the darkness by keeping it caged inside of you. _

“I miss them.”

Harold smiled. “What are you really running away from?”

“Home. Everything. My friends, my band, my past.”

“What were you searching for?”

Kiran closed the book and set it beside her. “A clear mind.”

“Have you found it?”

Kiran nodded, “I did. Harold, I have to go.”

Harold came over to Kiran and rested a hand on her shoulder. “See you.”

  


In a flash, Kiran shot up from the couch and grabbed everything she owned to stuff into her bag. She ran out the door without another word, sprinting across the fields as fast as she could. When she made it into town, she got a ride to the closest bus stop. Her body shook with anticipation, she hadn’t realized how excited she was to be going home. One bus after another with a motel stop in the middle, she was heading back. When she had boarded the last bus home, she opened her phone. 

“Hey, you won’t believe this,” It read from Elias earlier in the afternoon, followed by a view more beautiful than her Montana mountains. Air balloons in front of the sunset, and she wished she was there. She held her phone close, her heart racing in her chest. _ Soon, _ she thought, letting her eyes close. She was just a couple hours away. Then, it would all be over.   
  
  
When she got back into town the first thing she did was get her car. Naturally, it wouldn’t start. She hit the steering wheel and pulled her phone out, going back to Elias’ message. Her eyes closed as she took in a deep breath.   
  
“I’m home,” She typed, hitting send. 

It didn’t take long for Elias to pull in the driveway. She had been sitting on the porch with her head on her knees, looking up when the engine shut off. She slowly stood, watching as Elias emerged from the car and shut the door. He started to walk over to her, cautiously as if she weren’t real at all. But once he came into the light, he ran. She leapt off the porch and met him in the middle, feeling his arms slide around her back. His fingers gripped the back of her shirt as he held her close. She held onto him tight and ran her hands through his soft hair. She missed everything about him, and had no idea how she could have left him for so long. She could feel his body shake. Was he...crying?

“Kiran,” He whispered, pulling back and cradling her face in his hands. “God, I love you so much. Are you okay?” He leaned down and kissed her deeply, and it made Kiran shake as if it was the first kiss they had ever shared. 

Kiran looked up at Elias with tears streaming down her cheeks. It was as if something bottled up had finally been set free. “I’m okay.”

Elias smiled and pulled her close again, just holding her tight. They stood in front of the porch like that for some time before Kiran finally pulled away. 

“I have to call Saturn,” She said, leaning up on her toes and pressing her lips against his. It was a feeling she’d missed more than she realized.

He held her for a moment longer before hesitantly letting her go. “Okay,” He said, though his fingers still rested on the sides of her arms.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Kiran whispered, scrolling through her contacts until she got to Saturn’s name.

The phone rang twice, and she heard Saturn’s voice on the other line. It was shaky. 

“Hello?”

Kiran smiled. 

“It’s time to get the band back together.”

\----------------------------------

Travlok stood at the top of the balcony looking down at the stage. The group down below was rushing back and forth across it, grabbing equipment and hauling amps into position. He looked at his watch. 7:45 pm, there were fifteen minutes left until the show started. He pushed off the railing and turned around to see Suri behind him. 

“Boss,” she said softly, a broad smile across her face. She leaned in and gave him a big hug. “I hope that the lights look good enough for you. I’ve already spoke with the B team behind the curtains and they ha-”

Travlok held up his hand to shush her, and she quieted down immediately. “Suri, I don’t need to know everything, I know you one hundred percent have everything under control. Let’s close the curtains and let the crowd come in, maybe that will convince our group to get their shit and get out onto the stage, you think?”

Suri laughed and rested her arm on Travlok’s shoulder. “Alright sounds good. I’ll grab Jen and have her open the doors up,” She said, giving his shoulder a soft squeeze and disappearing out into the lobby.

Travlok made his way down the aisles and onto the stage, adjusting the mics and making sure the cords were out of the way of getting tripped on before he went back behind the curtains. He looked left and right, letting out a deep sigh as he went back into the breakroom. When he knocked on the door, he was relieved to hear a “Come in!” from the other side, and he turned the doorknob.

Inside were the four troublemakers sprawled out on the two couches with bottles in their hands. With Travlok’s appearance, they all raised the bottles as if they were toasting.

“What the hell-” Travlok started, but Kiran cut them off.

“Root beer, dingus,” She said, laughing softly and tipping back her bottle. 

Travlok sighed. Since the band got back together, they had been in the best shape he had ever seen. He was honestly so proud of all of them, especially Saturn and Kiran for turning their lives around. He didn’t think Kiran especially was going to make it.

“You have fifteen minutes to get on stage, and you aren’t even holding your instruments. Dorian, the drums are set up for you. We have the curtains closed if you want to get your asses up there and tune your guitars.”

“Already done it,” Elias said, clinking his glass against Kiran’s. “We’re just preparing ourselves. It’s been a long time, Travlok. We’re all nervous.”

Travlok nodded and looked at his watch again. “Hurry up,” he said finally before backing up and shutting the door. He rolled his eyes, “Children,” he grumbled, gesturing for the staff member to close the curtains. 

When the lights dimmed, he saw the group coming out of the breakroom. They all looked like children, for sure. He could see how nervous they were, considering they haven’t even played for over a year. He watched as they shuffled to their places, adjusting their instruments on them and making sure the set list was in view. Everything they were playing came solely from Kiran’s rehab work. When she had presented it to him, he was surprised she was able to write so much music while she was there. But when she had them all play together, it was amazing. How she was able to picture the song without them, he would never know. They all used to collaborate on the music together, and she always seemed lost on composing, but not now. He knew that this was going to be their comeback. 

He looked out onto the stage and knew they were ready when they all turned to look at him. He gave them the thumbs up and spoke into his headset.

“Alright Suri, let’s do it,” He said, and watched the lights slowly shut off.

The crowd roared to life, screaming and cheering for the band they thought they had lost. The curtain slowly opened, revealing the silhouettes of the members before them, and the uproar only grew louder. The drums started, shaking the floor and giving the beat to the crowd. The guitars came in, roaring to life in harmony with one another. The lights slowly started to rise, and Kiran had her head bowed to the mic. The opening played once, and Kiran didn’t come in when she was supposed to. She held one hand out at her hip, signaling for one more time. She wasn’t ready, and it made Travlok nervous. Once more, then again. 

“Kiran?” Travlok said, but suddenly her hand clenched into a fist.

When the end of the opening came, a smile formed on Kiran’s lips. The music came to a stop, and Kiran looked up into the crowd, taking in her first breath of the performance.

_ Let’s go! _


End file.
